Anencephaly

In full disclosure, I promised myself that I would be truthful to this blog and the people reading it when I started it almost 1 year ago. This is not going to be a fun post to write or to read.

I had my first high risk doctor appointment this morning. We assumed that everything would go great and we would be introduced to our medical care team for the next 6 months. Wrong. We met the whole office because of our unusual circumstances.

We went in and filled out the usual "first patient" paperwork and they took us back and took my blood pressure and weight. Everything was great.

We were shown to an ultrasound room with a tech. She did an abdominal ultrasound and we chatted a bit about my fertility history and family. I told her about my subchorionic hemorrhage and the bleeding I've been having. She pointed out where the bleed was and said it was pretty large. She was "ultrasounding" for about 20 minutes. No weirdness or anything.

Me: So how's everything look?

Her: Well, I'm worried about baby C up here in the upper left quadrant.

Me: Ok...

She spans to baby B and says: Do you see here how there is perfectly clear, black amniotic fluid? And the bones of the baby are all white around it's head?

Me: Yeah

Her: Ok... (she spans back up to baby C) look at this baby. Do you see how it has grey fuzziness in the fluid? And then look at the head.

Me: It kinda looks like it has hair.

Her: Yeah. It looks to me like it has anencephaly. That means the skull bones aren't properly formed and it's a severe neural tube deficit. The skull bones where hair would be aren't formed at all. What you're looking at is the brain free floating in the amniotic fluid. Children with this severe of a deficit aren't genetically designed to live outside the womb. They normally do wonderful inside, but when they're delivered, they die within minutes.

The face looked completely normal. It was really really weird.

She leaves and Troy and I immediately turn to one another with looks of horror on our faces. And shock. We couldn't believe that moments ago, everything was fine, and now we were losing one of our babies. Like, it didn't even have a chance.

A MILLION things went through my mind. Does that baby endanger the other 2? Do I deliver all three? How bad of a person am I if we "selectively reduce" a baby that will die the moment it is exposed to oxygen to help save the other 2?

I voiced these in one breath to Troy and he just looked at me with tears in his eyes. "I've already thought all of those things. You aren't a bad person."

The first person sent into to room was a genetic anomaly and abnormality counselor. She was amazing. She talked through all of our options with us.

Basically, we could do nothing. Wait and see.

We could opt for a reduction and give the other babies more room to grow and stay inside longer and avoid medical and health dangers to the remaining children.

We talked for about 20 minutes.

She left and then the doctor finally came in. I immediately apologized. I don't know why. It was my first visit and I was being a "difficult patient." He was so nice. He just said, "you're here for a reason and we're going to take care of you. That's why we're a high risk facility. For people like you."

The doctor and the tech redid the ultrasound and really looked at and measured my cervix, the location of all the placentas, and the sheer size of the hemorrhage. They did a test where they applied pressure to my abdomen to see if my cervix started to shorten or funnel and it looked good.

Troy and I decided to opt for a "selective reduction" for several reasons. We want to give the other 2 babies the best chance possible. The emotional and physical attachment to a baby that wouldn't make it could be devastating at the birth of our other 2 (God willing) healthy children.

And here's when the complications got worse. STUPID HEMORRHAGE. I am not currently a candidate for the reduction because the bleeding I am currently having is coming from underneath the placenta of baby C and it is slightly shared with the placenta of healthy baby A. They are worried that the reduction could result in loss of one or all of the babies.

So right now we are doing a sit and wait. I will be monitored every week to monitor changes in the size of the hemorrhage. If the hemorrhage stays the same size (stable) or shrinks, they'll be able to continue with the reduction. If not, I'll carry all three babies as long as possible and deliver 2 healthy babies and 1 that will become an angel within minutes.

As far as work, they said I can keep working. They said that there is no proof that bed rest helps heal a subchorionic hemorrhage but they figure it doesn't hurt. I told them I would cut back from 4 10 hour shifts to 3 8 hour shifts. They seemed happy with that.

The doctor was wonderful. I had SO many questions and poor Troy just sat there and listened while I yammered and yammered. I was just so shocked and concerned about the babies and what our options were and timing, etc.

So for now, there's really nothing that we can do. We are waiting. I am just hopeful that we come out of this with a baby. ONE healthy baby.

This has been a day of bad news.

PS. DO NOT google images of anencephaly. Seriously don't. I'm scarred for life.

Avery's Adventures with Grandma and PawPaw

I cannot put into words how much I miss this sweet, sweet girl. But I also cannot repay my parents for all of the help and support they are giving us right now. They are doing things with her that we normally wouldn't do because we have her everyday and take that for granted. Even though they'll have her for 9 weeks, they are acting like it's only the weekend and pack in SO MUCH fun everyday. And we got tons of get pics and videos sent to our phones. Some of which I will share will you now.

They have been gardening.



And cooking.



She has been swimming a lot.



And they went to the fair.



Where she fed some animals.



She is potty training.



They went and picked strawberries.



Cute, huh? How long are her legs getting? Please let her get Troy's genes, please let her get Troy's genes...

Triplet Update...and the First Belly Pic! And A Baby Pic!

I'll be 12 weeks tomorrow. I feel great. No barfing.

The only issue right now is bleeding. Like a ton of bleeding. I started bleeding last friday. Buckets. Sorry for the visual. Bad things always happen on fridays when your only option is the ER. Seriously annoying. I called the doctor and he said this:

You can do one of 3 things:

1. Go to the ER to get an ultrasound. They'll be able to tell you what's going on, but they won't be able to stop it.

2. I can move your appointment to monday. We can see what's going on then.

3. You can wait until your appointment on wednesday.

Troy and I decided to just wait it out until my appointment on wednesday. We have VERY much taken the stance of "we are not in control of this situation and we are going to go with the flow" as best as we can.

It's weird because the bleeding wasn't constant. I bleed at the same time every evening. It starts about 2 hours after I've been in bed. Troy comes home from swings around 1 am and I go the bathroom. And it's bad.

I bleed for a few hours and then while I'm up and moving around, everything is fine.

At my appointment on wednesday, we were expecting to have lost one of the babies. But, much to our surprise and awe, they were ALL fine. And moving and kicking and dancing. They couldn't get them all in one picture, but here is a picture of one baby:



There are 2 on the top kicking and stretching. Poor baby "C" is smooshed at the bottom. Not moving. The other 2 are taking up too much room. Troy suggested that I stand on my head and give the party animals on top a taste of their own medicine. Haha.

During the ultrasound, they saw a subchorionic hemorrhage. Basically, one of the placentas hasn't sealed flat against the wall of the uterus yet and there is a pool of blood between the two. As the placenta gets stronger, it is pushing blood out of the cavity. Thus all the bleeding. It's awful. But apparently nothing to worry about unless there is pain and large clots. Okay then.

Well today is Mother's Day and we figured, at 12 weeks (well, 11 weeks and 6 days) it was time for a picture.



Not showing too much yet. Which I have to say, feels like a victory. Which is TOTALLY different than when I was pregnant with Avery. I remember I couldn't WAIT to look preggo with her. Now, every day that I haven't popped feels like a victory. Like it's one more day that I won't be on bed rest. One more day that I can hold them in and keep them safe. It's so silly, but that's just how I feel about it. I want to NOT show for as long as possible. Weird right?

We are also making progress on our list of things to do.

We have hired a contractor to wall in another bedroom.

We have started cleaning out the house for the yard sale next weekend. The pile in the front room is getting re-donk-ulous. It's mostly households and furniture.

We are have narrowed down our car search and plan to drive to California to buy our new HUGE car next weekend.

We are also going to IKEA to pick up some cribs while in California because...UM VEGAS DOESN'T HAVE ONE!

We have started putting Avery's big girl room together. It makes me want to cry thinking that she's going to be a "big girl" when she comes back...no more crib. Pictures to follow.

Happy Mother's Day to all, especially to my Mom, who has been more help and support than I am able to verbalize.

I'll be back soon! My appointment with the high risk doc is thursday. Can you think of anything specific I should ask? Seriously, I'm worried I'm gonna forget something.