The other day, Troy's cousin posted one of those "fortune future things" that predicts how many kids you will have. I took it once and it said "you will have 1 girl and 0 boys." I had a total meltdown. Sobbing mess. I. Am. Pathetic.
I am SO not done having kids yet. Some computer program is not going to tell me I am done. Especially one that probably calculates it based on how many syllables are in your name.
So what did I do? I logged into Troy's facebook and did it for him too...love you baby!! And it said "You will have 1 boy and 0 girls."
HA! I felt so much better. But just because I couldn't quit, I deleted the app that completes the test for you and re-loaded it to see if it would say something different. "You will have 2 boys and 1 girl."
YESSSSSS so much better. I saved the picture since I liked the result. I do what I want, it's my blog :)
I am not going to go into the full summary of details regarding my fertility history, but I will give you a bulleted list to get you all caught up:
- January 2009 go off birth control
- July 2009 realize I haven't had a period in the 6 months I went off birth control and call the clinic at Dover for a referral off base
- July-September 2009 - undergo fertility testing and discover that I have PCOS
- September 2009 - take 1 round of clomid
- October 9, 2009 - Troy deploys
- October 26, 2009 - diagnosed with H1N1 and get a positive pregnancy test on the same day
- December 18, 2009 - miscarriage while Troy is deployed resulting in a D&C
- April 2010 - Troy gets home
- May 2010 - failed round of clomid
- June 2010 - failed round of clomid
- July 2010 - failed round of clomid
- August 2010 - higher dose of clomid and metformin taken together resulting in Avery
- May 2011 - Avery is born
- June 2012 - Finished nursing Avery and haven't had a period since Avery was born
- August 2012 - take metformin to help bring on a period and end up pregnant!!
- August 20, 2012 - miscarriage :(
And now you're all caught up. In summary, I don't ovulate without medical help and I have had a GRAND TOTAL of 3 periods (meaning I have ovulated 3 times) in my WHOLE life without medicine. 2 before I went on birth control when I was 18 and I had one completely random one in October of 2012.
It really sucks to go to medical appointments and write down 1 live birth and 3 pregnancies. Hard.
So we are starting up fertility treatments again. And this time it's serious. I got a referral to one of the top fertility clinics on the west coast, Red Rock Fertility.
I have been undergoing testing for about 2 months. It hasn't been fun. I was on this crazy medication that made my mood swings crazy. Poor Troy. I would go from screaming and pissed one second to crying like an infant in the next minute. Eeek. I would start crying at a commercial in my car or a song in the grocery store. I would hold Avery and sob. Or just cry in the shower for no reason. This went on for about 3 weeks. Everyone...Troy is a saint. I just want to be clear about that.
We had our follow up appointment on Friday, January 11th. And it was SO frustrating. I was really hoping that all the testing would turn up something. Like an answer. Like your _______________ isn't working right. Or __________________ hormone level is too low. Or something. An answer. With a fix. Or a pill I can take to fix it. And be normal.
Instead, he says:
Doctor: You have polycystic ovaries.
Me: Well, we knew that I had PCOS BEFORE all this testing.
Doctor: You don't have PCOS. Those people are overweight, have abnormal facial hair, and their testosterone levels are high. Your labs are normal and you don't have ANY of those symptoms of the "syndrome" other than that you don't ovulate or have periods. All your levels are normal, but I think the timing is off. It's like the clock that turns things on and off to make your reproductive system work is broken but all the ingredients are there.
(Me thinking: Oh good. I need a new timer and measuring cups)
Me: Uh huh. Okay. So what are we going to do?
Well, he decided that clomid is not a good course for me at this time. Especially since it took 4 rounds to get Avery.
Instead, we are (well, I am) taking a more aggressive medication that is injected into my belly, similar to insulin, for 10 days. The medication makes my estrogen go very high and mature anywhere from 3-5 eggs. I have to go get an ultrasound and blood work every 2-3 days for 2 weeks to determine when my eggs are good and mature...ughhhhh so annoying. SO many trips to the doctor.
The doctor wanted us to do an insemination because apparently the medication makes it hard for the sperm to swim to the ideal location to make magic with the eggs. However, Troy is fearful of this.
Troy: WHY WOULD WE DO THAT??!?!?
Natalie: What are you talking about? I don't want to go to these appointments every other day for 2 weeks and have it NOT work the first time! I don't want to do this more than 1 time! The insemination is like 70% effective in my case. Did you not hear the doctor??
Troy: DID YOU NOT HEAR THE DOCTOR!?! 3-5 EGGS!! We do NOT need to put my sperm millimeters from the goldmine and end up with 5 babies!! ARE YOU CRAZY!?!? Do you WANT a litter?!?!??
Natalie: Oh, please. You're being overdramatic.
Troy: Are you ready for 5 babies??
Natalie: That is not going to happen.
Troy: Can you guarantee that?
Natalie: Well, no. But I have a feeling.
Troy: A feeling? Nope. Not good enough for me.
Nurse sitting in the room and walking us through our schedule: Okay, guys. This should make for an interesting car ride home. Why don't you shoot me an email with what you want to do?
Well, anyway. We decided to go with "timed intercourse." Meaning I go to all these appointments and they monitor my hormone levels and egg maturity. When they look nice and plump, they give me another medication to make them "drop" and then give Troy and me a 2 hour window to have sex in.
TMI?
Sorrrrrrry. You were warned. In the meantime, the whole internet and blogosphere is now aware of my reproductive status. Welcome!!!
Now, here's what you can do for me. I have to take that devil medication again. Pray for Troy and Avery and that I have patience and don't have a meltdown in an elevator where I end up rocking back and forth in the corner and crying. Pray for my eggs to be fat and healthy. And pray for a baby. A healthy one. Not 5. That's Troy's request. Haha.
We will keep you updated. This whole party kicks off the first week in February. WAHOOOO!!! Maternity clothes here I come!!! Hopefully (fingers crossed).
Please DO NOT ask me if I am pregnant in a month because I will not tell you. With Avery, I didn't fess up until I was almost 20 weeks and I already knew that she was girl. We will share when we are ready. The thought of sharing and then miscarrying (again) is too horrifying a thought. No news is good news. So pray, people. Pray hard.
my sister and I both have PCOS, and plenty of fertility issues that go with it. I get periods like clock work (since my very first one at 12) my sister like you, has none. She had a tubal and so has one working ovary and one tube (on opposite sides) and yet BOTH her kids were conceived between fertility treatments, including the insemination. I got 9 rounds of clomid and only 2 term babies. It seems everyone has kids, but you aren't as alone as you think.
ReplyDeleteI had no idea Shana! I knew you needed fertility treatments but I didn't know it was that many. I know its a pretty common problem, but no one really talks about it. Kinda like miscarriages. A bunch of people have had them, but no one talks about it. I think people wouldn't feel so alone about it if it didn't feel like such a taboo subject.
DeleteHope you guys are doing well!!
xo
N
Y'all are in our prayers!! I know how hard the infertility road is, as well as the loss. It's a road that I wouldn't wish anyone would ever have to walk down! I know for me one thing that helped was just knowing that I wasn't alone in the journey. Thank you for sharing your story, as I know that it will help others! Just knowing you aren't alone when you are going through this, really helps! Also, having an awesome Dr. helped me, RAD (Reproductive Associates of DE) were so supportive and really became family to us! Everyone kept asking why in the world we would put McGuire at the top of our list, well, we had so much trouble getting pregnant and knowing that we are close to RAD and would be able to see them again really helps, so that was more important to us than living somewhere really "cool." :)! Hang in there, especially, with those mood swings, they aren't fun at all!! Prayers and hugs! Rachel B
ReplyDeleteHUGS! So nice to know that we aren't alone in this. Good luck to you guys. I'm glad you found a doctor you like!!
DeleteXo
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Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteThanks Lauren! Tell Ryan it's baby time!!
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I'm so glad you wrote this, Natalie. And I agree that I wish people would talk about infertility and miscarriage more. You know about our miscarriage, sorry you are having to go through this, praying for you and lots of love to you guys. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's so nice to know you're not alone. It's hard when you feel like you're the only one EVER to have a miscarriage. All of a sudden you mention it and people come out of the woodwork. Hopefully this will stop being such a taboo subject. Praying for you guys too.
DeleteXo
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I am SO sorry to hear that you had a second miscarriage, Natalie. I can't imagine how difficult that was for you. I agree, infertility and miscarriage is something no one talks about. When I lost our first I was shocked at how many people I was close to shared their stories of loss with me, it amazed me that I had no idea. I think it's amazing that you are still fighting, you have a beautiful and healthy daughter, there is no reason you shouldn't have those two sons as well =) I can't wait to hear the amazing news that your family is growing (hopefully not by FIVE)!! Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteHaha. 5 would be CRAAAAZY. Troy would die. But like I said, that's not going to happen. I just have a feeling. We'll be sure to keep you updated :)
DeleteIt's too bad that it's not talked about more. I don't think that it would be so devastating if women knew getting pregnant that there was a 30%!!! chance of miscarrying. But it's not talked about until it happens to you. So sad. Hopefully miscarriages and infertility will become less scary and more accepted topic of conversation in everyday society.
Talk to you soon!
xo
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