Avery's Art: Port-A-Potty or Bear?

Oh my word. I haven't blogged in AGES. But this was too good not to share. I get to brag on my big girl's art work and share a funny conversation between Troy and me? WINNING!

Avery has been going to school on tuesdays and thursdays all day and she absolutely loves it. She is quite a talented artist, loves to color and paint, bringing home all kinds of projects every day that she has done at school.

Last week, she brought home a picture that was AWESOME. I knew what it was immediately. Her teachers always label her pictures, but this one didn't need it. Or so I thought.

I thought her picture was so awesome, it deserved the center spot on the refrigerator.

Troy came home from work and started unpacking his lunchbox (tupperware in the sink, uneaten items back in the fridge for another day) while I was getting dinner started.

I noticed him staring at her picture on the fridge.

Like, intensely staring.

I got all excited.

Natalie: "Troy, isn't her picture great?!?!"

Troy: "Um, I guess so. I'm not sure it should be on the fridge though."

Natalie: "What? What do you mean?"

Troy: "Well, it's a little awkward."

Natalie: "What are you talking about? It's a perfect bear!"

Troy: "Well, I hate to say this, but the only thing I see when I look at it, is what you see when you use a port-a-potty."

Natalie: "WHAT?"

Troy: "You know. When you look down the hole and there's just a giant pile of poop at the bottom of a dark hole."

Natalie: "Are you kidding me right now? You are looking at a perfect bear and all you see is poop?"

Troy: "SORRY! It's just unappetizing to look at right when I am opening the fridge to eat and all I can see is poop."

Natalie: "You are awful. You tell Avery how amazing her picture is right now."

Troy: (gives Avery a big throw up in the air hug) "AVERY!!! I love your picture! That is the best bear I have ever seen!!

Avery: "HE'S IN A CAVE"

Troy: "I KNOW! It's called a port-a-potty cave!!!"

Natalie: "TROY STOP"

I guess that's the difference between moms and dads. But here is her picture. It's great right? I've probably ruined it because I told you it's a giant pile of poop. Sorry about that.

My Valentine

For Valentine's Day this year, Troy was working midnight shift, so he worked from midnight thursday night to 8 am friday morning. I was working on friday and leave the house around 7 am to see my first patient at 8 am. But since it was his friday, he got off a little early (around 6am). On his way home, he decided to swing by Starbucks and pick up drinks for us. Here is our text conversation:

That was supposed to be a white chocolate mocha. Clearly my phone autocorrect, did not know what I was talking about. Silly iphone. But he knew me well enough to guess what I would have wanted after I didn't see his text in time.

He got home with a few minutes to spare before I had to leave at 7 so we could chat about the night and the plan for the rest of the day (Optimus getting a hair cut, going to a friends house because they were on THE WHEEL OF FORTUNE!!!).

I went to work and Troy came up to meet me for lunch since Aurora was home with all the kiddos.

He brought chinese takeout, a box of chocolate covered strawberries, and a dozen long stemmed roses. No filter on that baby. They're just that pretty :)

I was definitely the luckiest girl in the hospital. He dressed up all cute too. Me in my scrubs and Troy in his khakis and button down shirt. On a date in the hospital cafeteria.

Normally, Troy and I go to Walmart on Valentine's Day and pick out a card for each other. We exchange them in the aisle of the stationary section, read them, and put them back in the shelving. 5 bucks for a card that you toss in the garbage a few days later is just not worth it to me. And it's way more fun to have a Walmart date on Valentine's Day. Haha.

So I'm not sure what possessed Troy to be all sweet and thoughtful this year, but I'll take it.

Ps. I didn't do ANYTHING for him to celebrate February 14. I went to work. And enjoyed him spoiling me.

It's a Slow Growing Love

At church the last week, there was a guest speaker and he was speaking on how there are moments in your life that are true "God moments" where you feel him actually touching your life and putting miracles in place. And then other times, looking BACK at your life, it's a slowing growing miracle. Based on your circumstances at the time, the fact that you made it and are ok is a miracle. There are so many people who are disappointed with the path their life has taken, or their job, or their finances, or whatever. But then, when you look back at where you are now and where you came from, you can see that although it may not have been a "God moment" of epic proportions, your LIFE is a miracle and God has been there through every step.

On the way home, Troy asked me what my "big God moments" were in my life and I just sat there. "Uhhh, you go first." Troy said, "well the biggest one was the day Avery was born. I just felt so overwhelmed and overcome with joy. We wanted her for so long." And I just sat there in the car twiddling my thumbs. And then I said it. "The day Avery was born, I felt nothing."

Troy has known for a while, but I'm going to confess to all of you.

It's no secret that Troy and I have had fertility issues. Miscarriages, medications, doctor visits. At one point in our journey to children, having a family seemed like an achievable dream for other people, but not for me. I have always always wanted to be a mom. Ask my siblings or my parents. "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I said "a mom."

The whole time I was pregnant with Avery, I just basked in BEING pregnant. I did it. I was growing a human. I felt amazing. And blessed. And beautiful. And like I was fulfilling my purpose as a woman.

But after a miscarriage and multiple rounds of medications and finally getting pregnant, in the back of my mind, SOMETHING was going to go wrong. My mind was in a downward spiral. It was like, "yay! we're pregnant." And my mind would say, "I'm just going to miscarry." Then, "yay! She's here!" And mind would say, "she's just going to die of SIDS." My mind was desperately trying to protect my heart and make sure I didn't get attached to her because I was so convinced that I wasn't worthy of such a gift.

The day Avery was born was a total blur. They broke my water and started my pitocin drip at 9am. No epidural and at 11:07 (that's right, 2cm to 10cm in less than 2 hours...I almost died) Avery was born. Troy immediately started bawling. My mom immediately started bawling. And all I could think was, "dude, where's lunch? This is serious. Get a menu." I was starving. Isn't that awful?

I said all the right things and posed for all the pictures, but in my mind, I kept thinking, this can't be my life. I can't believe we finally did this. It was surreal. We had a baby. What's going to go wrong now? For 6 months, I waited. I waited for something to go wrong. I waited for her to die. I waited for Troy to be paralyzed in a horrible car accident. I kept anticipating something bad. And living on the edge of my seat.

But everything was fine. She was perfect.

Now I don't want anyone to think I had postpartum depression. I definitely did not. I think I was traumatized from such a deep desire for having children and then miscarrying while Troy was deployed. I just kept thinking that it was never going to happen, and then when it did, all my body wanted to do was protect itself from feeling that pain ever again. If I felt that bad from losing a pregnancy, how much worse would it be when I lost an ACTUAL baby? So instead, I built a wall around myself from Avery, so she couldn't hurt me when she died. Maybe I wasn't supposed to be a Mom. Maybe we were too aggressive with fertility medications. If God wanted me to be a mom, wouldn't he have given me the ability to do it naturally? Is he going to take her from me?

I look at her now and I cannot believe how many snuggles and late night feedings I spent just looking at her feeling detached and not letting myself love her. She is such a joy and so smart. I look at her face and I cannot believe the little parts of Troy or myself that I see in her. It's SUCH a miracle. My love for her was a slow growing miracle. I didn't have a "God moment" when she was born. I hate that I missed out on 6 months of love, but the feeling of it slowly washing over me has been more than I could have hoped for. It snuck up on me with no loud announcement or warning. God made no mistake. Troy and I are the perfect parents for Avery and we had to do the sowing before the harvest. Put in the work to get the prize.

I say this now because so many horrible things have happened this pregnancy. And now it seems that everything might actually be okay. I really hope that I feel that "instant love" and connection that so many people talk about. Cause I totally missed out the first time around. Knowing that this is MOST LIKELY my last pregnancy, I don't want to miss out on baby snuggles or take them for granted. I want to be excited to get up and nurse in the middle of the night because I'll know it's just mommy/baby time. I just want to feel SOMETHING other than pure fear and impending doom.

With Avery's sweet personality and attitude, it's so easy to love her. To think that I am growing 2 MORE people who will have different personalities and attitudes, it's a miracle. To think that one day, not too long from now, Troy and I will start nurturing 2 more little miracles that will one day talk to us, and have opinions, and give us hugs and butterfly kisses fills my heart with so much joy. I just hope that my mind and fear don't try and rob me of the joy of their infancy.

Another Fertility Update

In short, it's not going well. At all. I hope that this "month" goes better. Last "month's" cycle was only 22 days.

Here's what's wrong with me.

Here's my mid-month update.

Well, since that happened, I'll update you again.

My odds of getting pregnant on the Follistim were about 65-70%. The odds of multiples were 30-35%. So, in short, my odds of getting pregnant were AWESOME. I was pumped.

The last time I left you, were in in the middle of injections, which most people take for 8-10 days. I took them for 12. You read that right. 12!! It was crazy. I was spotting the whole time, which the doctor credited to a cyst on my left ovary collapsing and bleeding a bit from the high levels of estrogen running in my veins. I had to take the shots for 12 days because I was spotting and my lining wasn't thick enough to support an egg implanting.

I took my trigger shot (a high dose of hcg) when I had 4 mature eggs (the goal was 3-5) on the evening of February 12. The next morning, I started having SERIOUS heavy bleeding. FOR NO REASON. The doctor said that the hcg probably made my estrogen plummet and trigger a period. I was at work and ended up on the maternity floor for "products" because the bleeding was so bad. Awesome. He brought me in for an ultrasound to see if I had ovulated, and I did! YAY! Good news. But my lining was SO thin. He said there was still a shot that I could get pregnant, so we kept our heads up. The bleeding stopped on the 17th.

I went in for some additional blood tests that day and my levels were great. My nurse said that so far, my blood work was indicative of a pregnancy and I was over the moon. And then I went in again on the 20th and all of my number had PLUMMETED and she said that there was NO WAY my body could support a pregnancy in it's current state. And then the next day, I started bleeding again. This time, it was my actual period. My cycle was exactly 22 days long.

I called the office and they were like, ahhhhhh, NO! That was on saturday.

I started another cycle on monday the 25th. I went in for my ultrasound monday morning and bloodwork and they found a 2 inch cyst on my right ovary. It's new. Thank you Follistim. They told me if my estrogen levels were over 60 that I wouldn't be able to do another cycle until the cyst was surgically drained. TRIGGER MY ABSOLUTE FREAK OUT!!

I went to work with all sorts of horrible things running through my mind and when my nurse finally called me at lunch I was considering quitting the Follistim until the summer and hoping that the cyst would collapse on it's own. But my estrogen was only 51!! Praise God. So I started taking my meds again that night and now were are trying to speed up the cycle from 12 days to less than 9 because Troy and I are traveling to visit a friend in Colorado next weekend and will be unavailable for 4 days.

With that said, I am SO HOPEFUL that everything goes better this round. And that it goes faster. Otherwise, my doctor is writing me a note to carry large needles and medication onto a plane...so we are now on cycle #2 of Follistim. Here we go again... In good news, the medicine is AMAZING and I feel like a million dollars.

Pregnancy and Peeing Rocks

Anyone who has been pregnant will be able to relate to this.

I am a desert creature. Like, I never drink water. Ever. I MAYBE drink 2 cups of coffee, have a soda, and a glass of water in a day. And that's kind of stretching it. I just don't required liquids. I'm never thirsty.

When I got pregnant with Avery, Troy was pushing fluids on me. Like huge. Constantly refilling my water. Making me chug a whole glass 1x every 30 minutes on weekends. He would stand there and stare at me while I finished it and immediately go and refill it. It was awful. I just felt so full all the time. And for whatever reason, I find going to the bathroom annoying and disruptive. I'm weird. I know.

Well, as a result of me working full time while I was pregnant, Troy only got the chance to chase me around with cups of water from 5-10pm on weekdays. Which ensured that he was making me drink about 6-8 glasses of water in 5 hours. Which equated to me getting up to pee ALL NIGHT LONG. Like 4-6 times a night.

Towards the end of my pregnancy, I could barely make it to the toilet before the pressure of the baby on my bladder would just push it out with so much force it kind of sounded like a water hose.

One night it was particularly bad. I had already been up to pee a couple of times and I got up again. Sure enough, there goes Troy's mouth again:

Troy: WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE!?!?!? PEEING ROCKS? Geez, it sounds like an avalanche. Could you be any louder?

Natalie: Are you kidding right now? You did this to me.

He didn't remember it the next day either.

I Got E.Coli

This is an appropriate post for today, seeing as I called out sick from work. I'm coughing up green and brown stuff and I have blisters in the back of my throat. I figured I shouldn't spread that around. But seriously...I hate being sick and I HATE calling out from work. It makes me feel unreliable and useless.

Troy and I got married in June of 2007. He went active duty in November of 2007 and reported to Dover. He went to logistics training school in Texas from the first week in January until the end of April. I was still in grad school and so I went to visit him in Texas for my spring break in March.

I was so excited to go visit and we were having a great week. We visited with Rob and Cynthia and did some San Antonio sightseeing on the Riverwalk. When he was in class during the day, I would go to the gym, watch movies, and hang out in the room. Sometimes Troy would come back for lunch and sometimes not.

This particular day, I had a PB & J sandwich for lunch by myself in the room. Troy felt bad and picked up a pizza on his way home and we had spinach salads for dinner. We ate picnic style on the floor of our hotel room and watched a movie.

I apparently did two no-nos that day. I ate peanut butter and spinach.

That night, around 2am, I woke up with HORRIBLE stomach and abdominal pains. I ended up in the bathroom SICK SICK SICK. So sorry for the mental image, but I was sitting on the toilet and throwing up in the trash can. I knew that Troy had to get up early the next morning at 5am for PT and I was trying to be quiet. But sometimes, when your insides are coming out of both ends, it's hard to be quiet.

I had been in the bathroom for about an hour when Troy stuck his head in the bathroom door and immediately pulled it back out. Traumatized, I'm sure.

Troy: Um, what's going on?

Natalie: I've been sick for about an hour.

Troy: I know. Can you keep in down in there? I have to get up soon.

Seriously...that happened. Never mind that we had been married less than a year and I was HORRIFIED that Troy had caught me in such a vulnerable and delicate position.

Troy ended up going to PT and class and leaving me sitting on the toilet. Don't worry...he changed the trash can bag for me. I sat there from about 2 am to 8 am. My legs had been asleep for about 4 hours.

Troy got permission to skip class for the rest of the day to take me to the ER. Let me tell you, throwing up in the waiting room of the ER 4 times is a quick ticket back to triage. They DO NOT want to keep cleaning up barf...or have people complaining about the smell and retching sound. I was seen almost immediately because I was throwing up 10+ times per hour.

The doctor told me that I had gotten it from the spinach or the peanut butter. So sad. It was definitely a test in our marriage. Troy has since learned to be nicer to me when I'm sick :)

Taking My (School) Work Home

I was fortunately enough to be able to complete my fieldwork placements for OT school in Delaware, where Troy was stationed, so that we could be together.

During my second fieldwork, I was working at an acute rehab facility. About halfway through my 3 months there, a man came in named Jesse and he was only 34 years old. He had a devastating stroke and lost function on the right side of his body. He had young kids at home and a super supportive wife. He was a mechanic. He was originally supposed to be there for 3 weeks, but he had been making such great gains, that his insurance kept approving him for more time.

My heart really went out for him and I was very motivated to read research and try new things. I felt like my mind was constantly at work and I was thinking about how to adapt things and teach him how to be more independent when I was home.

One night, I woke up to Troy yelling at me...I was doing something crazy again.

Jesse was having crazy emerging tone in his shoulder, elbow, and wrist.

I had decided that I was going to do some range of motion on Jesse in the middle of the night and stretch out his upper body. And Troy was not so cool with that.

I literally woke up kneeling on the edge of the bed with Troy on his back and me ranging Troy's shoulder.

It was a little jarring. Troy thought I was craaaaaazy. Crazy dedicated. I came out of it immediately and was like "sorry, I thought you were someone else." Oh, ya think??

He said it had been going on for about 2 minutes before he was able to wake me. He always worries that I'll have post traumatic stress from a "sleep walking" incident if he wakes me up. So far so good.

Troy Punched Me. Twice.

You read that right.

This is completely innocent. Really.

Troy and I read in bed every night. 99% of the time I am reading for about 30 minutes to an hour after he is done and he is falling asleep next to me.

I'm not really sure how common this is for other people, but Troy is a twitcher. Like, when he is falling asleep, his WHOLE body jerks a little bit. I have been told that people who are really active (or a runner, like Troy) have the twitches when they fall asleep because it's their body's way of "calming down." Troy does it REALLY bad when he's particularly exhausted.

One night, I was reading on my back with my book resting on my chest and Troy was snuggled up to my shoulder on his side facing me. He had his hands up by his face. All of a sudden his right elbow twitches and goes into extension...RIGHT INTO MY FACE.

Natalie: DAMN IT TROY!!!

Troy: Huh, what?

Natalie: YOU PUNCHED ME RIGHT IN THE FACE!

Troy: Huh? Sorry, I love you.

Troy settles back in and I rub my jaw, but keep on reading. Sure enough, ten minutes later...

WHACK!! Right in the jaw.

Natalie: YOU ASS! WAKE UP AND FACE THE OTHER WAY!

Troy: Huh? Baby, I love you so much.

Natalie: NO! Don't try and snuggle me. You'll just kick me next time.

Troy: You are so mean.

Natalie: YOU punched ME!

Troy rolls over. And falls back asleep.

He doesn't remember ANY of this in the morning...

Anyone else have a twitchy spouse while they fall asleep? Anyone?

Troy Peed In My Purse

You read that right.

Troy and I had been married for less than 6 months. We got married in June of 2007 and he didn't go active duty until November. I was in my first year of grad school and had signed a lease to live with 2 roommates before we had even gotten engaged. SO Troy and I lived with 2 roommates our first 6 months we were married in a tiny apartment with 1 bathroom in downtown Harrisonburg, Virginia. It was AWESOME. I LOVE LOVE LOVED that apartment.

I'm pretty sure the night before was really low key. We had gone out to dinner with some friends and come home and had game night or something. Aka...this occurred and NO alcohol was involved. This is an important detail to mention because the next morning, I got up and wanted to upload my pictures from the night before off my digital camera onto my computer. For some reason, I had dropped my purse (it was smaller) into a giant tote bag that I used for school/gym/whatever when we got home the night before. It was a GIANT canvas tote bag.

I reached into the giant tote bag and started to sift through the contents of my purse and my hand was wet when I pulled my camera out. My camera had liquid dripping out of it. I looked up at the ceiling to see if it was leaking. Nothing. My bag was RIGHT underneath the wall of windows in my room so I looked to see if it was open/leaking. Nothing. I checked to see if my tote bag had an open water bottle in it. Nothing.

Now that I know it was pee, I am dreading writing this next part...

I lifted my purse out of the tote bag and started emptying the contents onto the floor so that I could separate them to dry out. I set everything on a towel and took the battery/memory card out of my camera. I took all of the cards and money out of my wallet. And I started SMELLING everything. Trying to figure out what had possibly ruined my camera and wallet.

Troy heard me shuffling around and woke up asking me what I was doing.

Troy: Babe, what are doing?

Natalie: I have water all over the inside of my school bag. I set my purse in there last night and everything is SOAKING wet.

Troy: That's weird...

Natalie: Nothing is leaking the the floor all around my bag is soaked and I'm gonna be pissed if my camera doesn't work anymore.

A few hours go by and one of our roommates, gets up and sees the contents of my purse drying on the floor.

Curt: What are you doing?

Natalie: My purse is soaked and I have NO idea what happened.

Curt: Really...hmm. Where is Troy's bathroom at home? Or in his last apartment?

Natalie: What do you mean?

Curt: Like in relation to his bed. Where is the bathroom?

(I gesture and explain)

Curt: Well there were some guys in my dorm freshman year who would get up in the middle of the night, kind of sleep walking, and they would walk to where their bathroom was at home and just pee wherever they wound up.

He gave me a moment to let it sink in.

Curt: Apparently guys get disoriented and aren't all the way awake and just pee where they think their bathroom is.

Troy is listening.

Troy: Oh no. There were a couple guys who did that in my dorm freshman year. One guy actually lifted the screen on his roommates laptop, like a toilet seat, and peed right onto the keys. Another guy peed into his laundry hamper...

Natalie: OMG. Are you saying that THIS IS PEE???

Curt says nothing both of the guys and start laughing.

Troy confirmed that this scenario is a real possibility. He thinks about it for a few hours and says that it's very very likely that this is what happened.

Troy peed in my purse, thinking it was his toilet at his apartment from college...my bag was located in the EXACT same spot as the relationship from his bed to the bathroom.

And that's how my very first digital camera was ruined. So sad...

Troy Drunk Dialed My Parents...More than Once

We are in the midst of a series about "Middle of the Night Weirdness that Doesn't Include Sleeping, or THAT."

You can read about me seeing a ghost here.

This one includes a drunk dial to my parents. When we were in college, Troy made the grave mistake of putting my name in his phone with 2 categories underneath my name and he had to select which number he wanted to call.

1. My house phone
2. My cell phone

There were several instances where Troy accidentally called my parents (aka my house phone) on a friday or saturday night between 0100 and 0500 in the morning. Waking up my parents and resulting in some VEEERY awkward conversations. It's an honest mistake, really.

Troy and I would go out with our friends and whenever we got home, we would call each other before bed on weekends.

These awkward call-Natalie's-parents-instead-of-Natalie happened about a 2-3 times in one school year. My poor parents. Luckily for Troy, they didn't mind too much and they still laugh about it now.

*ring ring, ring ring*

My stepdad: hello?

(no mind that a man answered the phone, Troy didn't notice)

Troy: Hey baby, I love you so much. I miss you. I wish I was there.

My stepdad: Troy...

Troy: Natalie?

My stepdad: Troy.

Troy: Who is this?

My stepdad: You did it again.

Troy: Ooooh sorry. How are you?

My stepdad: We're sleeping. It's 0427 am.

Troy: Ooooh sorry.

My stepdad: Be safe. Have fun. Talk to you later.

Troy: Ooooh sorry, sir. Have a good night.

Needless to say, after this happened about 3 times, Troy deleted my parents phone number COMPLETELY out of his phone. When was hilarious because sometimes he'd need to call them (because who memorizes phone numbers anymore when you have a cell phone) and he would call me to give him they're phone number. You know, because he deleted it to avoid an awkward drunk dial with my parents. Again.

The good news is, they LOVE him and gave him their blessing when he wanted to marry me :) I got me a winner.

Things that Happen While We're Sleeping...NOT THAT!

Seeing as it is the week of Valentine's Day, I thought we could re-live some of the sweet things that have happened between Troy and me during our dating history/marriage. So, I sat down with Troy to start brainstorming, and here's the thing: We couldn't come up with anything blog-worthy. Fortunately for you all, we came up with plenty of things that happened that were ridiculous. The funny thing is, they ALL HAPPENED at night. When one or both of us should have been sleeping. Get your mind out of the gutter.

So we came up with the 10 things that happened at night, NOT involving sleeping. They're in chronological order, so the first event occurred when we were in college, the first year I lived off campus in an apartment.

Troy had come to visit me for the weekend and we had had a low key evening. We went to bed like normal and went to sleep. I also have to mention that this story is COMPLETELY told to me by Troy. I don't remember ANYTHING because I was sleeping. Even the next morning...I got nothing. Troy says that I talk in my sleep all the time, but this was one of the weirder/freakier times.

Troy says that everything was fine, and all was quiet in the apartment. He woke up because he had a "weird feeling." He noticed that I was sitting up in bed, awake (meaning my eyes were open) and I was staring across the room, above the closed door of my bedroom.

Troy: (talking in a normal voice) Natalie, what's wrong? Are you okay?

Natalie: (whispering) Shhhhhhhh

Troy: Do you have a headache?

Natalie: Shhhhhh. She'll hear you.

Troy: WHAT?! Who?

Natalie: The girl.

Troy: WHAT GIRL!?!? What are you talking about??

Natalie: There's a girl in the doorway. She's watching us. Shhhhh.

Troy: WHAT IS GOING ON? Are you okay? There's no one there. Stop.

Natalie: (suddenly loses the glazed look in eye and looks over at Troy) Huh? What are you talking about? Night night.

Troy was left sitting up in bed, completely freaked out that I had just been used as a medium in my apartment. He couldn't fall back asleep. I have no recollection of this, but every once in a while, we will be settling into bed, reading or whatever, and Troy will go, "there's a girl in the door." I jump about 6 inches off the mattress every time. Jerk.

Fertility Update - Follistim, Needles, and Happy Side Effects

Are you ready for more girl words? WARNING WARNING! You are about to enter a female zone. If you need to get all caught up, here is my first post about our family growth and fertility issues. Go ahead...I'll wait...

Are you back now?

Okay, so I got my period on January 30th. On day 3 of my period I went in for an ultrasound, where my doctor took measurements of my ovaries (I had a big cyst on my left one) and pointed out eggs that were naturally forming and maturing, even though they never release and form cysts :( I also got blood work done, where they are monitoring my estrogen and follicle stimulating hormone.

This is the pen. The needles twists on to the end (they are in the pink containers) and then the part at the other end twists up to select the dosage.

I then had to sit down for 45 minutes of education on my medication, called Follistim. She showed me how to load my medications into the pen, attach the needles, set the dosage, and inject myself. It is also important to mention that Troy was home with Avery during this whole appointment. I was shown how to remove the needles and put them in the sharps container. It's actually really, really easy to use.

So on friday I started my injections. I was told to do them in the evenings. Because of Troy's schedule, he was asleep from the time I got home from my appointment (around 11) and was SUPPOSED to sleep until about 8.

Now you wouldn't know it because of my obscene amount of earrings, but I am deathly afraid of needles. I hate getting my blood drawn, getting shots, etc. HATE. But I can tolerate it because I'm not PUNCTURING MY OWN SKIN. I thought I could handle the injections because, y'all, those needles are TINY. Like really, really thin and only an inch long.

So, just like nurse Heather showed me, I loaded up the pen with my medication dosage and attached the needle. I twisted the pen cap up to the right dosage and grabbed a hunk of my right saddle bag and counted to three.

NOPE. I tried again. NOPE. I COULD NOT DO IT! I started shaking. And crying. This is ridiculous. I have given my mom her arthritis shots before and I have give PPD/TB tests to my mom also. WHY can I not inject myself?? The answer is this: I do not want to watch my skin dimple in under the pressure of the needle and then pierce my skin. I just can't. I can't. This is coming from the mom who laughed while her daughter got her blood drawn...

So what did I do? I woke up Troy. My needle was loaded and starting to drip. I walked up to him in bed with a loaded needle and no pants on. So awkward. He was like, "ohhhhh yeah." Then he saw the needle in my hand and he was like, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?"

He eventually heave-hoed his butt out of bed and followed me downstairs to give me the shot, not without making fun of me first. He got ready to stick me in the hip and was all "ummmm do you need to clean this? Do I spit on it? What's up?" And I was like "OH NOOOOOOOO I HAVE ALCOHOL WIPES!!!"

From the time I loaded my meds in to this point, it had probably been 10 minutes. I'm seriously pathetic. Anyway, Troy gave me the injection and all was fine.

I took the medication at a 150 (no idea what the dose measurement was) friday, saturday, sunday, and monday night. Tuesday morning, I went in for a follow up ultrasound and blood work. My right ovary had about 10 eggs on it and my left had like 4. My doctor said it was totally normal for 1 side to produce more than the other. Nurse Heather said that she would call me later that day with the results of my blood work and let me know what dosage of my meds to take.

I got home and Troy and I took a cycling class. I know, I can't believe it either. I'm enjoying it, shocking me the most of all :)

Which brings me to the next thing. SIDE EFFECTS. I think that this whole "polycystic ovary" thing is royally messing with my hormones. I mean, I know it is...but really... Okay, I've been taking this medication for 4 days. I seriously feel like a new person. I don't want to say my "baseline mood" is awful...but most days, I would say that my mood dial is set to "bitchy" and on good days on "grumpy." I feel so patient, more relaxed, and just more optimistic in general. It makes me think that I live in a constant state of PMS and that somehow, not ovulating every month is an indication of a hormone imbalance that is causing me to be a bitch. I don't want to say that I am using my hormones as an excuse to be a bitch, but in general, the past 5 days have made me feel like a MILLION DOLLARS. Troy and I have talked about it, and it's definitely something that we are going to ask about later. Or at my next appointment. Like if there is a hormone replacement (that's not an antidepressant) that I can take whenever we are done having kids.

ANYWAY...tangent over.

So Nurse Heather called me back for my blood work results and my FSH levels were through the roof. They told me to back my dosage of meds off from 150 to 75. Troy was like "NOOOOOOOOOO, does this mean you're going to be 50% as happy as you've been the past 5 days??"

I have another follow up on friday morning to look at my ovaries, see how many eggs have fully matured (the goal is 3-5 eggs) and then they will tell me when to take the trigger shot (that makes the eggs actually drop).

So you all can keep praying for us.

When Chickens Fell Off the Truck

This next week we will be discussing Natalie. More specifically her gullibility. And ridiculous things that she has said and done. Unfortunately (or fortunately for you), Natalie is REALLY, REALLY gullible and ridiculous.

So to kick this week off, I am going to start with a story about how stupid I can be. This comes with a warning label. Sometimes I talk without thinking. And sometimes Troy almost crashes his car because he is laughing so hard. Off a bridge. Into the Chesapeake Bay. And almost kills us. But alas, I am going to tell you the story anyway. Troy will NEVER let me forget it. Because I was THAT dumb. OR CREATIVE! Depending on how you look at it. TROOOOOYYY!

You be the judge.

So about 4 years ago, Troy and I were driving from Dover, Delaware to Wilson, North Carolina to visit his family. We normally drove through Washington, DC and down 95 to get there following route 1:

One time, we decided to take this route. It was only 3 miles further, but it took an extra 40ish minutes. We were getting sick of the same ole drive so we decided to switch it up and take the Chesapeake Bay Bridge and Tunnel system from the peninsula of Maryland and Virginia down to Virginia Beach area. You can see it on the map where it looks like you are driving over the ocean following route 3:

So the whole waterway part is a GIANT system of bridges and underwater tunnels. It's like a half a mile above water and then a half a mile under water. It's really pretty. A nice change of scenery from our normal drive, right?? WRONG.

All of a sudden, we are seeing a TON of this (picture from here):

And WITHOUT even thinking, I say:

Natalie: Huh. This is really weird.

Troy: What?

Natalie: I wonder when the truck realized one of his cages were open.

Troy: (trying not to laugh because he knows where this is going but wants to see if I'll actually go there) Excuse me? What truck? We haven't seen hardly any cars, let alone trucks.

Natalie: You know. Look. The chicken truck. One of his cages was open. Look at all the chickens.

Troy: BAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Natalie: What?

Troy: BAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH

Natalie: What? Deductive reasoning here. Dead chickens. They must have fallen off a truck.

Troy: WORST DEDUCTIVE REASONING EVER!!!!!

Natalie: What? Haven't you ever seen those trucks driving around with chicken cages on them?

Troy: BAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHA!! Please please stop! I'm gonna pee!

Natalie: Can you please let me in on the joke?

Troy: Okay, we're outside now. Do you see anything flying around in the sky that's white right now?

Natalie: Um, yeah, but they're seagulls.

Troy: (looking at me expectantly, waiting for the light to turn on) Keeping talking. And doing your "deductive reasoning."

Natalie: No, this is different. The chickens are on the ground. How would seagulls strategically land ONLY on the bridge. It's too coincidental.

Troy: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA you have to stop...

Natalie: Did they get hit by a car?

Troy: (smacks me in the forehead Aladdin style) She can be taught!

Watch at :48 - :54 seconds for reference. And yes...he does this to me whenever I say something stupid and then realize the stupidity of my statement.



This is a true story. And every time we are on a bridge and we see a dead seagull, Troy is like "LOOOOK NATALIE!! A CHICKEN!!" And I'm like "you're stupid."

Except I'm stupid.

I'm am a Hormonal Mess. Welcome to the World of Infertility.

Here is your one and only warning. This post is filled with words like "period", "insemination", and "timed intercourse." If you can't handle it, CLICK THE X NOW. Consider yourself warned. Read with caution.

The other day, Troy's cousin posted one of those "fortune future things" that predicts how many kids you will have. I took it once and it said "you will have 1 girl and 0 boys." I had a total meltdown. Sobbing mess. I. Am. Pathetic.

I am SO not done having kids yet. Some computer program is not going to tell me I am done. Especially one that probably calculates it based on how many syllables are in your name.

So what did I do? I logged into Troy's facebook and did it for him too...love you baby!! And it said "You will have 1 boy and 0 girls."

HA! I felt so much better. But just because I couldn't quit, I deleted the app that completes the test for you and re-loaded it to see if it would say something different. "You will have 2 boys and 1 girl."

YESSSSSS so much better. I saved the picture since I liked the result. I do what I want, it's my blog :)

I am not going to go into the full summary of details regarding my fertility history, but I will give you a bulleted list to get you all caught up:

- January 2009 go off birth control
- July 2009 realize I haven't had a period in the 6 months I went off birth control and call the clinic at Dover for a referral off base
- July-September 2009 - undergo fertility testing and discover that I have PCOS
- September 2009 - take 1 round of clomid
- October 9, 2009 - Troy deploys
- October 26, 2009 - diagnosed with H1N1 and get a positive pregnancy test on the same day
- December 18, 2009 - miscarriage while Troy is deployed resulting in a D&C
- April 2010 - Troy gets home
- May 2010 - failed round of clomid
- June 2010 - failed round of clomid
- July 2010 - failed round of clomid
- August 2010 - higher dose of clomid and metformin taken together resulting in Avery
- May 2011 - Avery is born
- June 2012 - Finished nursing Avery and haven't had a period since Avery was born
- August 2012 - take metformin to help bring on a period and end up pregnant!!
- August 20, 2012 - miscarriage :(

And now you're all caught up. In summary, I don't ovulate without medical help and I have had a GRAND TOTAL of 3 periods (meaning I have ovulated 3 times) in my WHOLE life without medicine. 2 before I went on birth control when I was 18 and I had one completely random one in October of 2012.

It really sucks to go to medical appointments and write down 1 live birth and 3 pregnancies. Hard.

So we are starting up fertility treatments again. And this time it's serious. I got a referral to one of the top fertility clinics on the west coast, Red Rock Fertility.

I have been undergoing testing for about 2 months. It hasn't been fun. I was on this crazy medication that made my mood swings crazy. Poor Troy. I would go from screaming and pissed one second to crying like an infant in the next minute. Eeek. I would start crying at a commercial in my car or a song in the grocery store. I would hold Avery and sob. Or just cry in the shower for no reason. This went on for about 3 weeks. Everyone...Troy is a saint. I just want to be clear about that.

We had our follow up appointment on Friday, January 11th. And it was SO frustrating. I was really hoping that all the testing would turn up something. Like an answer. Like your _______________ isn't working right. Or __________________ hormone level is too low. Or something. An answer. With a fix. Or a pill I can take to fix it. And be normal.

Instead, he says:

Doctor: You have polycystic ovaries.

Me: Well, we knew that I had PCOS BEFORE all this testing.

Doctor: You don't have PCOS. Those people are overweight, have abnormal facial hair, and their testosterone levels are high. Your labs are normal and you don't have ANY of those symptoms of the "syndrome" other than that you don't ovulate or have periods. All your levels are normal, but I think the timing is off. It's like the clock that turns things on and off to make your reproductive system work is broken but all the ingredients are there.

(Me thinking: Oh good. I need a new timer and measuring cups)

Me: Uh huh. Okay. So what are we going to do?

Well, he decided that clomid is not a good course for me at this time. Especially since it took 4 rounds to get Avery.

Instead, we are (well, I am) taking a more aggressive medication that is injected into my belly, similar to insulin, for 10 days. The medication makes my estrogen go very high and mature anywhere from 3-5 eggs. I have to go get an ultrasound and blood work every 2-3 days for 2 weeks to determine when my eggs are good and mature...ughhhhh so annoying. SO many trips to the doctor.

The doctor wanted us to do an insemination because apparently the medication makes it hard for the sperm to swim to the ideal location to make magic with the eggs. However, Troy is fearful of this.

Troy: WHY WOULD WE DO THAT??!?!?

Natalie: What are you talking about? I don't want to go to these appointments every other day for 2 weeks and have it NOT work the first time! I don't want to do this more than 1 time! The insemination is like 70% effective in my case. Did you not hear the doctor??

Troy: DID YOU NOT HEAR THE DOCTOR!?! 3-5 EGGS!! We do NOT need to put my sperm millimeters from the goldmine and end up with 5 babies!! ARE YOU CRAZY!?!? Do you WANT a litter?!?!??

Natalie: Oh, please. You're being overdramatic.

Troy: Are you ready for 5 babies??

Natalie: That is not going to happen.

Troy: Can you guarantee that?

Natalie: Well, no. But I have a feeling.

Troy: A feeling? Nope. Not good enough for me.

Nurse sitting in the room and walking us through our schedule: Okay, guys. This should make for an interesting car ride home. Why don't you shoot me an email with what you want to do?

Well, anyway. We decided to go with "timed intercourse." Meaning I go to all these appointments and they monitor my hormone levels and egg maturity. When they look nice and plump, they give me another medication to make them "drop" and then give Troy and me a 2 hour window to have sex in.

TMI?

Sorrrrrrry. You were warned. In the meantime, the whole internet and blogosphere is now aware of my reproductive status. Welcome!!!

Now, here's what you can do for me. I have to take that devil medication again. Pray for Troy and Avery and that I have patience and don't have a meltdown in an elevator where I end up rocking back and forth in the corner and crying. Pray for my eggs to be fat and healthy. And pray for a baby. A healthy one. Not 5. That's Troy's request. Haha.

We will keep you updated. This whole party kicks off the first week in February. WAHOOOO!!! Maternity clothes here I come!!! Hopefully (fingers crossed).

Please DO NOT ask me if I am pregnant in a month because I will not tell you. With Avery, I didn't fess up until I was almost 20 weeks and I already knew that she was girl. We will share when we are ready. The thought of sharing and then miscarrying (again) is too horrifying a thought. No news is good news. So pray, people. Pray hard.

Made in China

So about a week ago, Troy walked with Optimus down to the mailbox and came back with this gem.

Troy: What is this?

Natalie: What is it?

Troy: Did you order small pox from China?

Natalie: What? NO. Gimme that!

(Opens package while Troy picks up Avery and covers her eyes as if whatever is in there will explode and pour acid into her eyes)

Troy: Well, what is it? It better not be a Christmas present for me. I don't want nothing from China.

Natalie: Are you kidding me right now? I bid on it on ebay and got it for a DOLLAR. I mean the shipping was 8.99, but that's still cheaper than I could have bought it for in the US.

Troy: That doesn't change the fact that it was probably made by a 2 year old in a sweat shop for a penny a day.

Natalie: Well if the US could make such nice things for this price I'd buy it from them instead.

And then I looped the necklace over Avery's head to annoy him.

So look at THIS one from J.Crew. FOR 150$$$$ - WHAT!?!?!

Bubble Necklaces are all the rage on pinterest right now.

Evidence here:

So here is my identical one. OH WAIT. Troy was protesting my support of China and covered it up for a few shots.

Here it is for real. Doesn't it look EXACTLY like the 150$ one from J. Crew?? Except mine is MORE awesome because I only paid 10$.

I LURVE IT! Merry Christmas to me. You can see that Avery likes it too. Her hand is all outstretched like "gimme gimme, let me touch, I lurve it!"

Christmas Cards a la Pinterest

So this year I decided our family needed to send out Christmas cards. I have always been anti Christmas cards. Why? I have no idea. I think the internet has made it easier to reason NOT sending them. I'm like, "why? If people want to see pictures of us, they can facebook me." Welllllll, the problem with that is, some of Troy's and my immediate family don't even have computers, internet, or smart phones.

And now we have a child and we moved. And truth be told, I LOVE LOVE LOVE getting Christmas cards. LOVE. So what is my problem? Well, I finally admitted it to myself. I'm lazy. All that addressing cards and UGH stamps are expensive. But if I didn't send them out early, we might not get any from people who normally send them to us who don't know our new address. And I want cards too! It makes my heart smile. Or sing carols. And I want our grandparents to hear from us.

I wanted to do something cute and inexpensive (not pay a photographer). I started in the easiest place...Pinterest. Here are a few of the ideas that I found.

Option 1:

I just adore everything about this picture. Avery and Optimus would be ADORABLE. But we have extended family who got some of these cards who have never met Avery in person and if Troy and I weren't in the picture, they might open the card and be like, "huh? Who are these people?" And also I would have to buy all of the cute costume things for Avery and Optimus to wear. Troy is also SUPER anti dressing up dogs in any kind of clothing. So that option (as much as I love it) was out.

Option 2:

I think this is precious. But I was like, there is NO way that Avery and Optimus will sit still long enough for this to happen. Troy and I will both have super forced smiles and it will just be bad...

Option 3/THE WINNER: I used this picture as our inspiration or (PIN-spiration) for our Christmas card this year.

Here is our card that we sent out. Sorry for the poor picture quality, I snapped a pic of the card with my phone....I should have downloaded the "sample photo" from Shutterfly when I ordered it....oops. It says "We wish we could be with your for the holidays, but we're a little tied up." Witty, I know. Troy thought of that. So while we had some pinspiration, Troy thought of the content. He's punny.

We took the photo over Thanksgiving while my cousin Laura and her hubby Dan were here with their ADORABLE son. Dan danced around with Jameson trying to get Avery to smile and look at the camera while Laura took pictures and tried to keep Optimus from chasing Dan around. It was crazy. She took about 15 pictures and we decided this one was the best.

I'm SO glad we sent them out this year. When I called to confirm a few addresses with my Grandma, she was like, "what is this for?" I said, "I know it's hard to believe, but we are actually going to send out cards for the holidays." My grandma goes, "well it's about damn time! You've been married for more than 5 years now." Thanks grandma...

Anyway, Merry Christmas everyone! I hope that you all have been good this year and Santa is very kind to you. Sing happy birthday to Jesus and remember of the reason for the season.

Living Per Diem

I am so blessed. Like God has blessed me and my family in ways that I cannot explain, fathom, or understand. But Lord, I need your help. I am NOT stay at home mom material. It is too hard. There is SO much pressure for everything to be perfect. And you know that I am not. And I think I'm going to crack under the pressure.

Pinterest does not help. You see things that people are doing or pinning. Now whether or not they are things that that person has done or plans to do, I feel like if I am not doing them, I am not being a good parent. There are so many things that I could do better, or do more, or bake, or craft. Pinterest does not help with the pressure. It makes it worse.

Life is not perfect. Like these pinterest cupcakes...things don't work out like you plan sometimes.

This is a really hard post to write because I have friends who wish they could be stay at home moms, but for financial or personal reasons, they are working. It is so hard for me to explain to other people sometimes that I don't need to work, but I choose to. I am a better mom and wife when I am working. Writing it down and putting it out there for the whole internet to read forever and ever is hard because I feel like it makes me a bad mom. But here it goes:

I don't want to be a stay at home mom.

When Troy and I are in transition times (when we are moving, Troy is in training, or I was waiting to take my board exams) I don't usually work. There is so much to do during those times. And getting hired at a hospital (my job of choice) is really time consuming for about a month. During these times, Troy and I fight a lot. In addition to the added stress of moves, I turn into a rabid dog. I have this unsettled, unaccomplished, restless feeling that I can't shake. And I take it out on Troy because he gets to "escape" and go to work.

This was before we had Avery too, so this isn't just about being a stay at home mom. This is just life in general. Allow me to explain.

After I graduated from OT school, there was about a 5 month period between me graduating and then studying and taking the boards to me starting my job. It was rough. We didn't have a ton of money so ANY KIND of shopping was out, we weren't active in a church yet, so that was out. I felt like a kept woman, which I know is ridiculous. Troy would come home from work and I was like the impatient puppy - talk to me, pay attention to me, take me out, snuggle me. And he just needed about 30 minutes of "cool down" from work time to decompress whereas I was bouncing off the walls with energy from sleeping until 11 and then reading and watching re-runs of America's Top Model all day.

I was so jealous that Troy had this whole separate work life that didn't include me and I was stuck at home. And involved in all these adult decisions and conversations that I wasn't having. And since I wasn't working, my only job was to clean, cook and do errands. I was like "DUDE! THIS IS YOUR HOUSE TOO!" Ugh, the arguments. They were terrible. And the thing is, I totally get it. I'm not working. My job is to do house stuff so that when Troy is home, we can just be together and not have to do yucky stuff. But I still resented him for it. He got to go to work and have adult time and make money and I got to scrub toilets. NO.

Don't even get me started on how mad I was when we left Dover. I loved my job there. And all my co-workers. My last day of work was like May 1st and Avery was born May 7th and the movers came like May 15th. It was so much change at once. And I just wanted to keep my job. I clung to it. Alas, Troy drug me kicking and screaming to San Antonio. Where we lived from September to February. And since we learned so much about my inability to be sane while not working after graduation, I got a job there. We had already decided that even if I didn't have a "take home pay" after paying for childcare, it was still worth it for me to go to work and not make money just because I am a happier person, wife, and mother.

I hadn't worked in 6 months and it felt SO GOOD to be back and my every thought not be "when was the last time I nursed?" or "do I have enough time to run to the store with Avery before nap time and she has a melt down in the store?" And you know what? It was good for Avery too. After being with ONLY me for 6 months, she had to learn that different people do things different ways and that's okay. One of our friends agreed to watch Avery for me while I was at work, which was awesome, because I already trusted her and had no issues my first week back. I RAN out the door. Sweet escape.

I feel like I need to clarify what I mean by "escape." It is SO easy to escape my own life and problems with my job. As an OT, you have to gain and develop an understanding for another person's life so that you can help them regain their independence. In order to do that, you are asking them some pretty personal questions about their families, routines, habits, and hobbies. You are getting a mental image of the inside of someones home, car, or office space. I get to go to work and literally pretend like my patient's life is the center of my world. 8 - 12 times in a row. I LOVE my job. I get to leave all my problems and issues at home and just focus on the problems of someone else. It's amazing.

I depend on my job to recharge. I need it because when I am away from Avery, I cherish our time together SO much more. Instead of feeling trapped at home with her, I feel like I am privileged to be at home with her. I WANT to take her to the park or read with her. Instead of feeling like I HAVE to. Because that's what good moms do. I need that time apart to be engaged when I am at home.

My job is hard right now. Around the holidays, no one wants to go to the hospital. And if they do go to the hospital, they want to go home as soon as possible for the fun stuff that comes with the Thanksgiving/Christmas season. They don't want to go to rehab and stay for up to a month and go home after that. Unfortunately, I am a "per diem" employee. Meaning that I work "per day" for my pay. If there is not a need, then I don't work. I have been working 1/2 days for about 3 weeks and I got called off on 2 of my 3 work days last week.

The good thing about this is, I get paid hourly and don't work full time because I don't need insurance (because Troy is in the military) and the bad thing is that if I don't work, I don't get paid. Which makes sense, of course. I am scheduled to work 3 days a week. But the past 3 weeks have been ROUGH.

And if I haven't had time to recharge at work, I am exhausted at home. I don't want to clean or cook or play with Avery. I am just OVER IT. I feel like we are doing the same things everyday. Troy and I are arguing and he's like "dude, GO TO WORK!" and I'm like, "I'M TRYING YO!"

I understand that everyone is different. I know that I am so blessed to be in a position where I can CHOOSE when to work. It is such a luxury in this economy. I know there is the debate of stay at home mom vs working mom. But I am so lucky that I can be both. I get to work 3 days a week (which I try to line up with Troy's weekend) and be home for 4. I respect stay at home moms SO much. I wish that it was easier for me. It's SO hard. I'm not perfect and life isn't perfect. But for me, it's easier to explain when my house is messy and the laundry is overflowing and the dishes aren't done that "I worked today." It's my excuse. I need one. I have too much pride to admit that "we just had a bad day."

So pray for me. Pray that I can let go of my pride. Pray that I can go to work. Pray that I can have patience. Pray that I can be obedient. Pray that I can find other ways to recharge. And not compare myself to other "super moms." Or pinterest.

Things I am Horrible at: Reading Vanity License Plates

Seriously. Troy thinks this is hilarious. I am SO bad at deciphering them. Something else I am bad at??

DO NOT ask me to play this game. You will always win and I will have a bad attitude.

But back to the license plates. Here are a couple examples and how the conversation went while I would try to figure them out.

The first horrible incident from my memory was with my friend Kristen. She still makes fun of me for this. She almost peed her pants listening to me trying to figure it out.

This is what the license plate said:

IMFRMNY

Kristen: Oh that guy must be a horrible driver.

Natalie: Huh? Why? How can you tell that?

Kristen: His license plate.

Natalie: Huh? I'm for money? Infamy? No that's not it.

Kristen (almost crashing her car to sideways look at me): Are you kidding me right now? Natalie. Come on.

Natalie: WHAT? I don't know! How can you tell he's a horrible driver? He likes money! Or he has a rich family. Like "I'm from money." Maybe he needs a wife. I don't know....

Kristen (while snorting and laughing): I'M FROM NEW YORK!!!!

Natalie: OHHHHHH I get it.

Most recently, Troy and I were out on a day date and we saw this license plate:

NOS8NT

Troy: Oh that's appropriate for Vegas.

Natalie: Huh? Not otherwise specified eightent? What?

Troy: You are the worst.

Natalie: COME ON! You know I suck at this.

Troy: What are you talking about "not otherwise specified"???

Natalie: That's what is on lab reports when a sample is abnormal but there is no categorization for the identification of the anomaly.

Troy: So you go with "not otherwise specified" rather than "no"?

Natalie: I'm going to stop talking you through my thought process if you are going to make fun of me.

Troy: Oh thank God, I better keep going!

Natalie: HEY!

Troy: Seriously. What do you think it says?

Natalie: Seriously I don't know. Just tell me. You are only going to make fun of me.

Troy. NO SAINT!

Natalie: OHHHHHHHHHH that makes sense.

Example 3. We saw this one on the same trip as the previous one. At this point, he is showing off his skills and trying to make me feel stupid/wanting to laugh at me and have a story to tell his friends about how dumb I am.

2DNGRUS

Troy: Ok what do you think that one is. This is going to be good.

Natalie: 2 dungerees? Like jeans? Maybe he has twins.

Troy: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA you're ridiculous!

Natalie: Ok what is it??

Troy: Too dangerous!

Natalie: Ohhhhhhhh that makes sense.

Example 4:

HMESLV

Troy: Ok, this one is easy.

Natalie (very confidently yelling): SHE'S A REALTOR!!! HOMES LOVE!

Troy: YOU ARE THE WORST!!!!

Natalie: NO, WAIT! HOME: SOUTHERN LAS VEGAS!

Troy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! YOU SUCK AT THIS! I WILL ALWAYS WIN!

Natalie: You almost always win at games anyway. Just add this to that pile. I'm just not as competitive as you. It doesn't matter.

Troy: She's probably a stay at home mom. It's home slave!

Natalie: You don't know. That could be any number of things. Homes love. Home: Southern Las Vegas.

Troy: Just stop. You lose.

Natalie: .............ok fine.

So yeah. I suck at deciphering license plates. And playing Mad Gab.

3 Couples Who Have Influenced Our Marriage and Lifestyle: Part 3

Lesson 1 from Bryson and Lori Smith: Love God. Love People.

Lesson 2 from Rob and Cynthia Wittwer: Work Hard. Play Hard. Choose to be Happy.

I grew up as a military brat. I went to 3 different high schools and the longest I have ever lived somewhere was in college. I lived in that town for 5 years. That's a long time for me. Troy was a military brat too. But after his dad got a staff job at the Pentagon when Troy was in 6th grade, he stayed in the same school system until high school graduation. We were both used to moving and making new friends and starting over.

Troy and I got married right after undergrad and they scheduled him to go to ASBC in Montgomery 3 days before our wedding. Oh. Hell. No. Troy called and asked them to move it back seeing as how they were giving him 2 weeks notice to report to Alabama and our wedding was already paid for, guest airline tickets were bought, honeymoon arranged, etc. They obliged. Thank God. However, that meant that his active duty date was pushed to November 6th of 2007 rather than in July.

We lived in a tiny apartment in downtown Harrisonburg with my roommates (I was starting my 1st year of grad school, which was on campus). It was seriously the tiniest, cutest apartment you ever saw. Anyway, we got lucky and Troy and I got an on base house. And it was brand new. Seriously awesome. They literally finished the house painting the day before Troy moved in. Poor guy. He had to move in by himself because I was still in school and he didn't know anyone there. Yet.

TRUTH AND SHANNON FINCK

His first day reporting to work, he met Truth, another 2nd Lieutenant with vast prior enlisted experience. And yes, that's actually his first name. And Truth was on babysitting duty for the new LT. The job NOBODY wants. Watching the newly commissioned officer, who has no idea how the military works yet, asking all kinds of silly questions and is trying to figure out their ass from a hole in the ground. Truth had been prior enlisted for 8 years (like Rob) but he got picked up for Officer Training School after busting his butt to get his degree while working full time and raising 2 kids.

Lesson 3: Have your own friends and have your own hobbies.

Truth and Shannon were dating when they were 18 and 19 (Shannon was a cougar...rawr) and working in an Italian restaurant. They got married and Truth went off to basic training and Shannon lived with his parents and their first born, Jake. She's a saint. I kid. I've met Truth's Mom and she's AWESOME. She brought me puppets for when I worked in a school and the kids loved them. Anyway, they were finally joined again when he finished basic. They had another little boy named Issac.

It is important to mention that their ENTIRE families live in Ohio. Grandparents, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews. Their whole life. In Ohio. "The Land of Milk and Honey." Seriously. When they talk about it, their eyes glaze over. And Ohio State. Don't even get them started. Truth met Jim Tressel when he was deployed and it was like he met Jesus in the flesh. I learned the most interesting things about Ohio. The first Buffalo Wild Wings was there. Every time we went, they mentioned it. Rascal Flatts is from Ohio. Every time they were on the radio, they mentioned it. They plan to move back there when Truth retires from the Air Force. Wright-Patterson AFB is the number 1 move on their wish list. Being away from their very large families is hard very for them.

When my Thanksgiving break started (JMU got a full 10 days, not just a 4 day weekend) I drove from Harrisonburg, Virginia to Dover, Delaware and let me tell you...it was my first time doing ANYTHING as a military spouse rather than a dependent. It is so stressful. I couldn't figure out where I was going on base. I had never done a move without my parents. Moving to a new place and knowing no one except your husband is scary. Because we were newlyweds and I still hadn't decided if we had done the right thing. And the military is scary.

Troy brought me over to meet Truth and Shannon the first night I was there. They had just moved from old base housing into new base housing and Troy had helped them with their "across the base" move. I remember when I met Shannon, she was super quiet. And me being me, I couldn't shut up. I feel this need to talk and talk and talk when there is silence. You can psychotherapy me or whatever but I can't help it. Poor Shannon took the brunt of my babbling while Truth and Troy talked shop. Looking back on it, that was probably the best thing for our friendship. She understood early on that when I was on a roll, to get out of the way or hop on the train cause I can bulldoze you with my chatter. She still makes fun of me and the way I can talk for 15 minutes without prompting.

I can say looking back on it, that particular instance of babbling was nervousness. She had kids that were 9 and 11 and a was super-experienced military spouse. I was talking and talking hoping that I would say something that she connected with or thought was funny, hoping that she would be my friend or feel sorry for me or something. Which I know now was a risk. When Shannon meets people, she's super quiet and takes everything in. Well, I'm a whole lot to take in. I think she could tell I was scared. So I met them right before Thanksgiving and didn't see them/talk to them again until June, 7 months later.

I finished the coursework for school and was going out to start my clinical rotations, which were all arranged in Dover. Shannon didn't work at the time and the guys were working like crazy because they were having an ORI (some kind of crazy inspection) and I was super lonely. So I was being a little pushy about spending time with Shannon. It was the first time as a military spouse where I needed the support of another spouse to get from day to day and vent because (seriously) Troy slept in his car instead of coming home.

Shannon is super into hobbies. And TV. She introduced us to Big Bang Theory. She knits and crochets. She paints. And refinishes furniture. And dumpster dives. And does drive bys on trash days. And hits up Goodwill on military discount days. And antique stores. And uses crackle paint. And has quick and easy recipes. She taught me how to fry chicken. And use my crock pot. And plant flowers. And make homemade wreaths for every season. She is my original pinterest. I would use her house, style, and sarcastic quotes as inspiration. She showed me how important it is to have hobbies and interests that absolutely DO NOT include your husband at all. If you structure your life around your spouses schedule, hobbies, and friends, you'd never get anything done as a military spouse. Having a military spouse means always depending on yourself. You can't depend on them to be home for dinner or help with the kids. Or change your oil or cut the grass. You have to be the mom and the dad. The chef and the chauffeur. The landscaper and the banker.

Truth deployed in January of 2009 and Troy and I took care of Shannon. Troy went over and played video games with the boys while Shannon and I went to midnight Twilight movie premieres and went to yard sales every weekend. We had them over for dinner. And had Christmas in July. Complete with decorations and music. I spent at least an hour with her everyday, but to be honest, but could have been up to 18 hours. We would have these epic movie rainy days that started at 8 am with coffee and breakfast and ended with popcorn and beer at 2 am. When Truth came home in August, we took a trip to Atlantic City for the weekend and it was EPIC. I look back at it and kind of wonder how we lived. So much alcohol. Not enough sleep. So much conversation and laughing. It was so good to be back together.

And then Shannon and Truth got orders to Elmendorf, Alaska 2 weeks later and 3 weeks before Troy was leaving for a deployment. I was crushed. We were in Germany on vacation when she told me. I was devastated. I was depending on my friend to take care of me while Troy was deployed the same way that we had taken care of them while Truth was deployed. That sounds so selfish, but I was seriously counting on them. As it turns out, they ended up living with me for 2 months (after Troy had left) while Truth went ahead to Alaska to get settled and moved into their house.

The day they left to fly to Alaska, I felt like my world ended. It was seriously awful. My house felt so empty. I went from having Troy and Optimus to having Shannon, Jake, Issac, Lucy, and Optimus to just Optimus. We were so depressed. I totally threw myself into work and hobbies. I kept busy. I kept going to Goodwill on wednesdays like we had done. And crafting. And I watched 6 seasons of Lost in 3 weeks. It was an addiction. I started watching the Bachelorette with my friend Brittany every monday. And going to girls night with some of my neighbors every tuesday. And I had an epiphany.

If I am going to be a happy spouse of a military member, I have to have my own interests, my own friends and my own life. And that's okay. Shannon totally got that before she met us and just integrated us into her life. They left, and I'm pretty sure her world didn't end without me.

I feel like the lesson I learned from Truth and Shannon was learned indirectly. I became super dependent on them and our friendship. They were the first people that we had a great connection with in Troy's military career. And we love them SO much. But when they moved, I was devastated. I had to relearn how to keep myself occupied and literally GET A LIFE. Having friends is SO important and having hobbies is SO important. I knew this, but it was reinforced when reality hit hard and I was left alone.

When Troy is home, we definitely love doing things together. But we also realize that when we have our own interests and friends and spend time apart, our time we spend together is better. You bring a different experience, perspective or skill to the conversation. You have more to talk about.

As much as Troy and I love each other, sometimes you just want to do something alone. Or with someone else. To make yourself better. Or the world better. Or have an experience to share. When you get married, do not lose yourself to the title of husband or wife. Or become dependent on someone else to keep you happy. You need to have things that you do alone that bring you joy.

Thank you to the Fincks for abandoning me or I may not have figured this out. And this is becoming SO important now that Troy's schedule is such a mess. I love you guys.

3 Couples Who Have Influenced Our Marriage and Lifestyle: Part 2

The next couple made me a better mom and a better wife. Troy continues to use then as a shining example for "attitude is everything." Have you heard that quote that "life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond?"

To recap:

Lesson 1: Love God. Love People.

No matter what anyone tries to tell you, when you have a baby, it changes your marriage. You don't do it on purpose, but you can't help it. Everyone tells you "be married for a few years before you have kids so you really have time to enjoy each other get to know each other." Well, we were married for almost 4 years before we had Avery and as it turns out, we definitely knew each other before she was born, but it didn't make one bit of difference.

Things change when you have a baby. You can't plan for it. You don't know how you or your spouse will react. You think that you can handle it. You have great days. And horrible days.

There are parts of my body that have been completely off limits since Avery was born. I have become a nagging nagger. Troy has been subject to the crazy. As a family grows, there are just more things to do. Especially when you have a dog and buy a house. No more sleeping in until 11 on weekends and lounging all day. You have to cook food and eat meals. Babies can't eat cereal and ice cream for every meal. Well, they shouldn't. It happens. On your days off work, you can't "do nothing." Days off work are work days at home. It's a huge adjustment.

Rob and Cynthia would never let that 10% ruin the party called life. Ever. If life gave them lemons, they'd make sangria and bring some limes and tequila.

ROB AND CYNTHIA WITTWER

Rob and Troy met at East Carolina when Troy was a freshman in ROTC. Rob was "the old guy." I kid. But really. Troy was a young, impressionable 18 year old and Rob was going back to school to get a nursing degree with his GI bill after serving 4 years in the Marines. AND he was married. AND he had a kid. Not to mention he didn't live on campus. As it turns out, Rob was the cool guy.

One of Troy's first memories of Rob was at an ROTC tailgate for a football game. Rob showed up with a kid. ALL of these irresponsible college kids drinking and playing beer pong. And who's the guy who brought the freakin' kid? Rob. Troy remembers watching Rob and his 2 year old play football the whole tailgate. He doesn't remember who he talked to, anyone he met, or who played at the game. All he remembers is thinking, "there's a good guy right there." And later telling me, "that's the kind of dad I want to be."

Rob and Cynthia got married young. I think they were 19? And then immediately started popping out kids. By the time Troy and Rob graduated (they were in the same commissioning class) Rob was up to 3 kids. During Troy's college career, he spent many many nights at their house. Rob and Cynthia GOT it. They invited people over, knowing that they wouldn't be able to go out with a gaggle of kids. Instead of going to parties, they had parties. They had taco night every week (Troy always brought avocados), dirty Santa dress up parties, and as Rob's birthday is on leap year, the year his birthday day actually fell, they had a power rangers party. Hilarious.

Rob went to full time nursing school and worked at Olive Garden. And helped Cynthia. She waited tables and was a bartender while Rob got his degree. She was the poster child for supportive military spouses everywhere. They bought houses and flipped them while they lived in them. And moved over and over. Haha. I have helped them move several times, the most recently into their house in Maryland.

I remember meeting Cynthia while she was hugely pregnant with surprise baby number 3. We went over for taco night and I remember thinking "how are they doing this?" How is Rob in nursing school full time and working full time? How do they have energy to host parties every week? With 2 kids and one on the way? And how is such a tiny little lady not falling over with that huge belly and still waiting tables? They are making me feel so inadequate! HOW DO THEY DO IT?? How are they keeping it together and so happy? I need their secret. I think I have figured it out:

Lesson 2: Work hard. Play hard. Choose to be happy.

The next time I met them, I was helping them move. They moved a couple times while the guys were in school. After they flipped a house (while raising 3 kids and going to school and working) they couldn't sell it for the price they wanted. So rather than rent it out, they decided to sell the house they were currently living in and move into the flipped house and wait it out for the market to improve. Cynthia had just had Preston, baby number 3. She was a rock star. She was packing and nursing at the same time. And feeding kids. And chatting with all Rob's friends.

I offered to supervise the kids in gymnastics while she ran errands (buying cleaning supplies for the new house, etc). I rode with her to gymnastics (Brennan was like 5 and Aiden was about 3? and Preston was maybe 3 months old) and was in complete awe watching her keep them together in the parking lot. We pulled into the gym. Those kids knew exactly what to do. The older 2 unbuckled themselves and hopped out of the car and stuck their little hands on the tail lights while Cynthia lugged that heavy infant carrier out of the car. I was like "uhhhh what can I do??" all intimidated by Cynthia's organization and lack of order barking. She was like "oh nothing." I went in and watched the kids and rocked Preston in the carseat, terrified he would wake up and I would have to manage a crying infant. Just one kid...I was freaking out. Anyway, he was fine the whole time and Cynthia got her errands done.

Fast forward 6 years and Troy and I are moving to San Antonio last summer. They had lived there for several years. Avery was about 6 weeks old. We stayed with them for 2 weeks while Troy and I house hunted. They treated us like family. I remember the day I flew there. It was awful. I had gotten up at 3 am east coast time to catch a plane to San Antonio and was breastfeeding so Avery was like a hungry hippo. I was exhausted by the time Troy picked me up at the airport and dropped me off at Rob and Cynthia's. He had to go immediately back to work because it was only like noon or something. It was the first time I'd seen them or spoken to them since Troy's graduation and commissioning day. So over 4 years. I was a little nervous. I just remembered Cynthia being super mom and I was feeling like a mess. A hot mess.

So I go upstairs to nurse, being all private, and try to take a nap. Well Avery won't sleep a lick and I am trying to "rock" her to sleep inside a dresser drawer. Not kidding. I put Avery in the top drawer of their big dresser and was rolling the dresser in and out gently (not closing her in!) to fall asleep. It was NOT working and I was exhausted. I was crying and distraught thinking "I AM THE WORST PARENT EVERRRRRR." Cynthia sticks her head in the door at my LOWEST moment (I AM NEVER SLEEPING AGAIN.........) and says, "I want her. I'll take her." Hands all grabby and held out expectantly. I handed her right over and crashed immediately face first into the bed and slept for 5 hours.

When I woke up, Avery was STILL ASLEEP! Cynthia had put her to sleep immediately and she'd been sleeping for almost 5 hours. She is seriously a baby whisperer. I was determined to learn her ways and soak it in. I learned the tightest baby swaddle ever. It is unbreakable. By the end of the 2 weeks, I was straight up nursing without a shirt on in their living room and that whole "privacy" thing went out the window on day 2. Thank God Rob is a nurse and not a creeper. Their poor kids got an in depth education about female anatomy and how mommies feed babies. Cynthia was a serious breastfeeding cheerleader. I totally think God put us together for that time period because I needed a mommy mentor. I needed Cynthia.

Rob and Cynthia arranged for us to have a sitter so we could go out. That's right. You read it correctly. Avery was less than 2 months old and we left her with a sitter. In a house that wasn't ours with a girl that we didn't know. And everything was fine. Apparently having date nights is super important. Your kids will grow up and leave you and get lives. If you don't keep your relationship with your spouse number 1, you'll be left with crap when your kids become adults. When I look back at those 2 weeks at their house, I can honestly say it was a turning point for me as a mom and a wife. Cynthia was like, "you do what is best for your family and your baby, screw everyone else. Don't listen to 'experts' or whatever. You know your baby better than any book."

And also not to take myself too seriously. Laugh when you mess up. We were outside having dinner with a bunch of their neighbors and Avery was asleep in her stroller. The automatic sprinklers turned on and we all shot up and got out of the water. I looked up when I was safe from the showers and was like, "uh, where's Avery?" Yeah, I totally left her to get soaked. I was all "SAVE YOURSELF!!" Oops. I gave myself a hard time about it and Cynthia thought it was the best thing ever.

Rob and Cynthia treat each other so well. They are so in love. They are so supportive of each other. Sometimes it makes me gag, but I think it's mostly because I'm jealous of the absolute passion they have for each other and for their kids. I feel like they are the perfect example of "the American dream." They went through a lot at a really young age and made their own way to get somewhere. Rob enlisted and used his GI bill while they both worked in the service industry and had kids. Cynthia moved and moved and waited patiently and now has a KICK BUTT job that she rocks at. It's 10 years in the making but they are true examples of how hard work pays off. And making things work even when it's really hard. And being happy about it. And realizing how to make the best of a crap situation. And not quitting. And always having fun. They will totally draw you in and hold on tight.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

In addition, you can tell they genuinely enjoy each others company. How many couples do you know that seem like they merely tolerate each other? They always have fun together. Even when they're doing nothing. Or going out. Or doing P90X together. For the record, that's true love. I could NEVER let Troy see me sweat and struggle like that. I'm afraid he would stop loving me. Anyway, can't you just tell how much they love each other??

I think we'd have a great time in Vegas Wittwers. What do you say? Let us host you for once ;) Thanks for the memories. More to come...