Military Wife, Adoption, and Working from Home

I cannot tell you how much I admire this woman. They made the decision after lots of prayer and desire for a child to adopt. They are such a testament to the power of love, prayer, and putting family first.

I think that SO many people are:

1. Curious about adoption (especially for all my military friends)

2. Wondering about the process in your heart and effects on marriage and career

This is a GREAT read. Congrats to Marcus and Maureen on their growing family :) We miss you guys and trivia night!!

Here's Maureen's story:

I'm Maureen, and I'm happily married to my hubby Marcus, who is an Air Force officer. Our 12-week-old baby, Maxwell, is as cute and can be, and we're half way through the process of adopting him. We were blessed to be at his birth, and we love being new parents.

I both stay and home at home with Max and work. I'm working from home as a Financial Counselor teaching people how to handle their own finances by getting out of debt, budgeting, and saving/investing. On a side note, I have always appreciated when people have asked me about this as follows "Do you work outside the home?" It's a small thing, but it's made an impact on me every time I've heard it. It just seems kind and respectful over a delicate issue, especially for the 2 years that we were married without kids and I wasn't regularly employed outside the home.

Those two years were tough. When I married a military man (and moved right away), I knew that it was highly unlikely that my law career would go anywhere, so I made the decision to find another field and job that interested me and would be flexible with my hubby's constantly changing location and a hoped-for family. I considered all sorts of things - some related to law, some not. The base where we were stationed was on a hiring freeze, and I wasn't licensed in the state we had moved to. Moving right after getting married hasn't helped in general - I left my job, friends, our church, and felt rather alone in a new place and growing in a new marriage.

It took me about a year to land on Financial Counseling, but so far it's been a really great fit. It was weird to be back in "school", but I love the work. I find it practical with broad implications, and therefore fulfilling. I love that I can take it anywhere (even overseas!) and I can do it after my morning cup of tea or during Max's naps. I can take on more work or less as my schedule allows.

Is this the best choice for my family? So far this arrangement seems to work. I spent a long time in school - B.A., M.A., J.D. - and I've always been the goal-oriented, active and involved type. Maybe that's why, in theory, we're going to have 6 kids. In theory. I wonder sometimes if I'll still want to - or have time to - do Financial Counseling with a passel of littles (or bigs, as they will become). I wouldn't be surprised if I do want to continue it since I enjoy the challenge and the work. Even now, I find that the time focusing on putting someone else's financial affairs in order energizes me when I need to return to baby care. It probably has a lot to do with the satisfaction I get from completing a task or project.

Being a mom is a long and wide job with few landmarks along the way. Calculating how much someone needs to save to meet their retirement goal gives me a completed task with useful information in a couple hours.
More than number crunching, I just love being Max's Mama. The transition for us has been different from most since we're adopting Max. But I also think that our struggle to have a family makes us appreciate the blessing of it more - and perhaps more importantly, focus more on the fact that our baby is a blessing rather than bemoaning all of sacrifice and adjustments that come along with children. Sure, taking shifts on the living room couch because baby sleeps best on our chests and changing a poopy diaper at 2 am after JUST changing a diaper and having warm, curdled spit up flow down the front of your shirt and into your unmentionables when you need to leave the house is all annoying. I have definitely grunted in frustration and moaned aloud at getting out of bed in the middle of the night. Perhaps the kicker is that my time is no longer my own. Or at least it's thrown in my face now. That one hurts. But I know, deeply know, like it fills my whole being know that what I am dong here - what hubby and I are doing as parents - is eternal. It's not just poop, pincer grasps, and play dates. I am charged with caring for Max's soul. In humility, I hope that I am able to show Max every day that I love him because I've been so loved by Jesus. This is a heavy and exciting task, so it requires much of me, but I desire so much - so very much - to do this.
Important days with big questions and important talks will come, but right now, my favorite thing is insisting to Max that he's a genius. Really, though, Max has just started to laugh, so I tickle him a lot. I also like to smell his little baby head and rub my cheek on his soft baby hair.

I've found so much support in friends who have kiddos and work hard to raise them. This may be the biggest surprise of parenting for me - the great importance that my fellow traveler's companionship on the journey is. I've always been a "I'll figure out what I need to know and do it myself" kind of person, but parenting doesn't seem to lend itself to this approach. So I enjoy the time spent with these ladies. It's refreshing. But if I were to spend a day away from Max, a spa day is at the top of my list - lavender oil and lots of time wrapped up in towels, please!

I think - and hope! - that my choices to parent and work from home will positively affect our kids. I'm still early in this whole parenting thing, but the plan is to perfectly communicate to my children that they are very important to me without pandering to them or inflating their egos. So maybe taking time to work is good because they have to learn that Mama won't always be there for every little thing. We'll see how that turns out. Regardless, I know that I'll mess up, but I hope that my kids will have learned the importance of forgiveness so that our relationship doesn't suffer.

Regarding the hubs, he is wonderful beyond reason. He works hard and provides for our family. I support him in his career, he supports me in mine. It does not escape me that staying at home with Max is a luxury, and I'm grateful for it. Without a doubt, a great strength of my parenting is that it's really our parenting. We get that we both have a 100% responsibility to parent our small ones. Marcus gives Max a bottle not because he's doing me a favor, but because he's Max's dad. Knowing that we're doing this together gives me confidence, peace of mind, and, you know, even a sense of freedom. Don't think it's perfect! We, ah, disagree, sometimes emphatically, and I tend to over-express my emotions. But the transition to parenthood has been made easier for me in seeing that Marcus has taken on fatherhood enthusiastically.

Why is there such a big stay at home mom vs. working mom debate? I don't know - it's weird to me. I mean, I'd give moms - at home and at work - the benefit of the doubt that we all want to raise our kids well and give them good things. Maybe there's some elusive idea of giving them "best" things, but everyone defines that differently, so then there's no basis for comparison. So maybe that's what the fight is over - my best vs. your best. Is there an absolute best? Regardless, any choice we make to do something is simultaneously a choice not to do something. Opportunity cost, people! I'm not working as a lawyer, and if I were, I wouldn't be home with the kiddos all day. There's a loss on either side. I don't think it's valid or fair for me to become defensive over my choice or continuously bemoan the thing I gave up. That, lovely people, was a lesson long- and hard-learned. I spent many a day sad and sometimes mad over my job-less state and then many a day sad and sometimes mad over my baby-less state. As I was plunging headlong into bitterness, I learned that the only way out was to be grateful.

I had made a prayerful, thoughtful, and informed decision when I married a military man and decided to not practice law. So the best thing I can do is be thankful for the choice I've made - the good and the bad - and be glad that I had the freedom to make it. You're probably thinking it - trouble getting pregnant was not my choice. But I wouldn't trade what I've learned about God's goodness in the midst of sadness. Once, that sadness was overwhelming, but it becomes so small in seeing that, all along, Max was meant for us and we for him. So, yes, that is me with a baby on my lap, drinking a latte and getting a pedicure at 1:30 in the afternoon. And I'm enjoying every minute.

Military Mom in Germany

I met Shana about 3 years ago in Dover. At the time, all of the officers in Troy's squadron fell in 2 categories.

1. Young lieutenants who were single/married without kids.
2. Older Officers with older (read high school or older) kids.

Shana and Donell fell right in the middle, with kids in middle school. Most of our "CGO Ghetto" friends living in the lieutenant area on base were just freshly married or just starting families. So Shana and Donell were a mystery to me for several reasons.

1. They had got married young and had kids young.
2. They were really cool.
3. Shana was a stay at home mom and I was planning on being a working mom.
4. She was freaking smart and witty and involved in everything.
5. They made choices that were best for their family, making no apologies about doing the right thing, no matter if you agreed with them, or thought it was difficult or mean.

How can you do all of those things and keep your head above water?? Shana tells all here. They live in Germany now and their kids are thriving and doing great over there traveling around Europe and living it up. Ahhhhhhh, I yearn for an overseas PCS...

Here's Shana:

My name is Shana, and this is the quick look at how I became a stay at home mom. Let me start out a long time ago in northern Michigan. For the first 5 years it was just me and mom, but by the time it was all said and done, I was the oldest of four kids. We were poor. Not the reduced lunch kind of poor, but the government cheese, one bath a week kind of poor. My parents worked multiple jobs just to keep us fed, and by the time my baby brother was born (I was 12) I had to miss school the day he came home from the hospital because mom had to work (it was an unexcused absence, but I digress) and she needed me to babysit. That was also the year I got my first paying job stuffing envelopes for an advertising agency. I would not be poor.

Flash forward to high school (mind you, still pretty poor but doing better). I am smart. Like, really smart. I got advanced classes, dual enrollment for college, even a scholarship that covered almost all my community college, but not quite enough. When I got pulled in to the guidance office, I had to tell them what I was going to be. “Housewife” was never on the list as an option, and I'm told to "pick something else." I do, and I worked hard, at school and at jobs. Sometimes working two or three jobs at a time, all while involved in cheerleading, band, and advanced classes. I fell in love. He had his own plans, and he was a year ahead of me, and he enlisted in the military. We got married, and I stayed at my parents’ home while I tried to finish college. But, their finances were still not much better and they were moving…without me. It was time for me to move to my husband’s apartment four hours away from my scholarship and make a home with him.

I got a job, then another one. At 20, I was offered an assistant manager job at Domino’s Pizza (I was still planning on going to college and “being something” at this point) and when the Domino’s owner found out I was a military spouse, he rescinded the offer because “I wasn’t going to be around long term.” This was the exact moment in my life when reality kicked me in the butt. I was not going to be able to be one of those successful women who had it all. I was going to have to choose, and the worst part is that I didn’t really get to make the choice, it was decided for me by denied opportunities. I worked two more years before we were sent overseas. It was a perfect time to make my break from being a wage earner to housewife. We moved to Alaska and I went back to college and tried to get pregnant. I did get my AA but what I didn’t get was pregnant. Turns out, getting knocked up wasn’t as easy as everyone around me made it look. We got extremely lucky and there was a fertility program at our base, for which we qualified and several tests and rounds of drugs later…I was the mom of two kids under the age of two.

I thought I was super mom. I had this thing locked down! They slept all night right away, everything was easy! I wasn’t tired, I wasn’t stressed, I had plenty of “me time.” I was happy. I had my hobbies, my husband was as eager to be with the kids as I was. My kids were happy, everyone was happy. This was working! Money wasn’t plentiful, but we wanted for nothing. I was surrounded by other SAHM’s (we were overseas, it happens a lot). I could be happy even without doing what I had been groomed to believe I was to do. I didn’t need a career. This euphoria lasted for about 5 years. As soon as the kids started school, there was "a shift." Not in my home, but in my neighborhood.

By this point, my husband had finished college (which was a miracle of co-parenting, creative solutions, and money magic, but that is a different story) and we were back overseas, as an officer’s family. That was when I started getting what my family calls “the look.” That is the way women, particularly Active Duty and college educated women, would look at me when I answered their “and what do you do?” question. They thought I was a modern day Peg Bundy, eating bonbons and watching soaps. That I couldn’t work because I was uneducated (which is true), and unable, and dumb. At one gathering, I was chatting about politics and my husband’s commander, a single mom who had previously given me “the look” when she said to me “Wow, you are smart?!” And when the kids were in school, I was constantly asked, “When are you going back to work?” I'm not done raising kids just because they are in school. One time, I caved to the pressure and enrolled in pre-Pharmacy classes. But the universe is unwavering in it’s signs. Things would block my way and show that it was not right for our family at the time. Women still give me “the look” but they can’t see that the choices we have made were the best for our family. That we decided even though I could do great things, the greatest thing I could do for all of us was raise two children as if it were my life’s purpose because now, it is and I am GOOD at it. I mean really, really good at it!

This is where I have to confess something. My version of good at it, doesn’t look like how I thought it would. I thought our schedule would be scripted like a day in pre-school. Breakfast, creative play, snack, read stories, lunch, recess, nap: Repeat. It didn’t look like that. It was “oops, we should eat lunch” and “we can play after I get all the laundry and shopping done.” The photos show that my kids were in onesies for most of their diaper days. And there was that one time that baby Brandon escaped the house. He was a very crafty child, very accident prone, and small. Yes, the Air Force investigated us for "failure to thrive,” which is code for neglect. We were cleared by a civilian agency. With the crisis averted, I went on raising amazing kids, exactly the way Donell and I had planned.

"The shift" was not just in my working contemporaries attitudes. I also saw a shift in my fellow SAHM’s attitudes. Some called me lazy. Yes, to my face. Because I am a SAHM, raising my kids not as if my life depended on it, but as if theirs did. What the other mom’s see is that I don’t do laundry, I don’t clean bathrooms, I don’t do dishes, and there are even nights I don’t cook. I don’t pack lunches and I don’t check homework. These are things Donell and I feel were important the kids could do for themselves. The quality of their life depends on these skills. I think they need me home more now than they ever did as toddlers. They need me to model a great loving and working relationship with my husband, they need to see me doing things that I love, and supporting our family in my own way. They need me to be there for them, every day and wholly present. They need dinner at the table every night, and life as usual when the military takes Donell away, or moves us to foreign countries. They need me to be the parent that drives them to the mall, or does their nails, or teaches them the electric slide before the big dance. My job is to release into the world two capable, stable, respectable adults and I’m not done until I am done.

Stay at Home Mom of Twins!

I've seriously dropped the ball on the mommy posts lately. But we've been a little busy. Between all the fertility stuff and traveling/visitors this month, my normal 15-18 posts a month average is currently in the dumps for March. My friend Kristen got here LATE last night and will be here for a week and then Troy's parents get here tuesday. So I should have lots of report...if I can find the time to actually sit down and write :) Or you can find us on instagram at barnesdailycircus.

If you want to follow along or read any of the other mom/dad interviews, you can click the label at the bottom for "the mommy chronicles," which I will also link here.

Here is another military mom. She and her husband have twin girls and are expecting another set of twins in september. They were busy from the start with twins and it doesn't seem like things are going to slow down! You better believe if I wind up having a litter, she'll be the first person I call...seriously, Jenn, get ready, I'm gonna be blowing up your phone. She has such a laid back and realistic attitude about parenting. She just makes me want to pick her brain. We can all learn something from her...

Here's Jenn:

Are you a home engineer (SAHM) or do you work?

I work as a SAHM

Why is that the best choice for your family?

Well, we have twins, so part of it was just the impracticability (cost) of putting two infants in daycare. Part of it was also that we could afford for me to stay home, and that’s where I wanted to be.

What is your favorite thing to do with your kiddo(s)?

This is hard. I guess taking them to the park. They love the swings, and the slide, and running in the grass. They’re so adventurous, and I love to see them try new things.
What do you love about it? What do you hate about it? (being at home or working)
I love watching them interact with each other. For a while when they were younger I wasn’t sure they even noticed each other, but now they dance and hold hands. Seeing the way they care about each other and ask where the other one is when they’re both not in the same room just melts my heart. I love putting one of my girls down for a nap. It takes patience, but if I just stick it out I can watch her fall asleep, and it’s one of the most precious things I’ve ever seen.

I hate that I’m home, with the kids, all the time. When I find things to get at the grocery store just so we can leave the house, because I can’t stand the idea of reading Wheels on the Bus one more time. I love the idea of playdates, but sometimes it’s just as trying, only there are more people to watch you go crazy. You’re trying to have an actual adult conversation, but then you see one of your kids unplugging an air freshener, or running a toy vacuum over another kid, or they trip and you have to go comfort them.

If you are a stay at home mom, what do you do for "you" time? What do you do to recharge (since really, you work full time)? How do you get adult time?

My time to myself is their nap time. I’ve been blessed with kids that nap really well for the most part *knock on wood*, so I usually have a solid couple hours to do whatever. If I feel like spending two hours on Facebook, or doing chores around the house, it doesn't matter, it’s my time. As far as adult time, I rely on the phone mostly, and playdates occasionally. I love to call my mom. She loves to hear all about me and my girls, and we can share ideas back and forth. I need to work on getting out for some actual face to face adult time, without kids.

Are you worried (in any way) that your choice (no matter what it is) might affect your child? In what way?

Of course I’m worried. I think parents will worry no matter what. My girls are super attached to me, and I think it’s because unless they’re sleeping, they really don’t spend a lot of time without me. I don’t have them in daycare, and they get some interaction from each other, but it’s not the same as playing with other kids outside of their twin. I’m also worried that sometimes because I’m with them all the time, I don’t think of super fun actives because I get bogged down in the everyday wake up, eat, get dressed, you want to watch Rio, it’s time for lunch, nap, etc.....

If you could have a day away from your kids, where you could do anything, what would it be and where would you go?

Fantasyland - I’m with Katie, give me a beach with some sun and a bottomless cup.

Reality - I’d be happy with a repeat of my last mothers day gift. A morning at the spa and lunch by myself at Panera Bread.

What have your kids done to embarrass you?

I guess the most embarrassing thing for me so far has been a grocery store experience. We were in the check out line and one of them just started throwing a fit. Like, she threw her toy, and was standing up in the cart even though she was buckled in because she's half contortionist. I could just see the eyes of the checkout lady saying ‘It sucks to be you.’ I could barely let go of her long enough to pay she was fighting me so hard.

What does your husband/family do to support you? What do you wish he would do (wish upon a star my dears...it can be anything)?

My husband tries to give me a break and he always says to take time if I need it, but he always says that when I don’t need it lol. I wish he could be better at saying ‘Honey, don’t cook tonight. Let’s order pizza and just hang out.’ or ‘There’s a Mom’s of multiples meeting you keep trying to go to, I’ll watch the kids while you go.’ Nothing really grand, just simple stuff.

In regards to the stay at home mom vs. working mom debate, why do you think there is so much controversy?

Like other people have said, it’s insecurities. It’s people saying ‘I’m doing the best I can, and what do you mean you don’t think my best is good enough?’ Everyone is being the best parent they know how to be. There are certainly days I wish I could get dressed up nice, like not my pajamas, and go to work to engage my brain and social skills, but there are plenty of working moms that want to stay in their pajamas at home to read to their kids. You’ll never really know how hard it is to be on the other side of things unless you try it, and I think a lot of people haven’t taken the time to really see how hard both jobs are.

Plus I think a lot of people are nostalgic for the Leave it to Beaver mom who cooks all day and is always the perfect wife at home, but women who have fought to make their place a mans world don’t want to see that effort go to waste either.

Also how is motherhood different from what you expected? Exactly what you expected? Are there things you swore you would/wouldn't do that you have changed your tune about?

I knew from the beginning that I would have kids and then a career. When some of my family asked what I was going to after college I would say ‘make babies.’ It’s not all playing at the park, and curling up on the couch with a bag of popcorn for a movie night. I think I had an image in my head of life with kids when they’re a little older, like what I can remember about my parents. I wasn’t really prepared for being up every three hours for 5 months with screaming, inconsolable newborns, or how foreign your body looks after you have kids. Plus, I was not prepared for the experience of twins, and the ridiculous things people say to you everywhere you go. That’s a whole other story. I’ve toyed with the idea of getting the backpack leashes. I always thought those parents were horrible before I had kids, and now that I have two that want to run and explore, I can totally see why they have them.

Working Mom # 3 - Communication and Support is Key

This is Mandy. I've known her since I was about 9. Woah. She encouraged me and gave me all the resources to use cloth diapers with Avery (which we have done since she was 10 weeks old). All the stresses of being a working mom can be overwhelming (especially in NoVA), but when you have a support system behind you, she shows how you can be healthy, enjoy your job, and your child without the guilt.

Here's Mandy:

My name is Mandy and I should probably start this off by saying one of my first full-time summer jobs was watching Natalie and her brother Tyler. (To be honest, I was really watching Tyler... Natalie was already old enough to take care of herself. Her mom and step-dad felt it best to have someone a little older there while they both worked and because Natalie and Tyler had some summer activities they didn't want them to miss. And so began my working career. And it has continued non-stop, in full-time or part-time capacity, to present day. I share this little story because working has been a very big part of my life for 17 years. And having a kid hasn't ended that, at least not yet.

I was fortunate to be able to take 3 months off from my job after I had "A." And to be honest, I was very conflicted about going back. I enjoy my job (I work for a newspaper in Washington DC) but having a tiny little thing that depends entirely on you really makes you think. We found an in-home daycare that is near my husband's office and she seemed really great, but I won't lie, that first week back was pretty rough... figuring out when to pump, worrying about A, even though I knew she was probably doing fine, thinking I was an awful mother for not deciding to stay home, etc...

But in the end, I stayed at work and A kept going to daycare. Overall, it is a good situation: I get 8 hours to interact with adults (not in my family) and do something I love to do and A gets quality time interacting with other kids her age, with some age-appropriate learning thrown in. And living in NOVA (Northern Virginia for those of you who don't know), having two incomes is a major plus, even if 1/4 of my salary is going to daycare.

The bads were there too: A got sick a record 10 times her first winter in daycare and she was still under 1. That has to be a record right? I can't remember the last time I had a cold until I had a kid. It is so true: they are germ factories! And then there was pumping... good lord. My office was "accommodating" as in they gave me a room with a door to pump in, but I had to coordinate with another pumping mother in my office and the door didn't have a lock, so we had this silly sign we had to put up that said "IN USE." I kept joking with my close coworkers that everyone knew what we were doing so we might as well have that sign say "MILKING." With my deadline driven job, it was really hard to find the 2-3 20 min times to pump with two women using that room. There were ups and downs, but with the help of good ol' Medela I was able to do it for 16 months before we started weaning.

Something that is both a positive and negative is my work schedule. As I said I work for a newspaper and it publishes 7 days a week. This means we have to have people in the office everyday. Thankfully by the time my husband and I were talking about kids, I had one weekend day off. My current schedule is Sun-Thurs. This means I watch A on Fridays while my husband is at work and my husband watches her on Sunday when I'm at work. It is nice to have one day just mommy and daughter, and I'm sure my husband loves daddy-daughter days but that also means we only have one day together as a family. That is pretty rough and one of the things I don't like about this working mom thing... it is even less time as a family then a "regular" working mom.

A typical day involves waking everyone up by 5:30 a.m., leaving the house by 6:15. My husband dropping me off at Metro by 6:45 and then dropping A off at daycare before he heads to work. Then working until 4 or 4:45 (depending on the day) and Metroing back to my husband who has already picked up A. Then the commute home usually takes double the time it does in the morning. When we get home its a run for me (if the traffic/weather isn't too bad), dinner, play for 1/2 hour with A and then she goes to bed. Then I get to breathe and maybe read or watch a show with my husband. Running, reading and TV are how I relax. (And thank goodness for recording/downloading devices or else we'd never see any of the new shows out there!)

As my daughter turns 2, overall, I don't regret my decision to be a working mother. I think she is getting a great thing by interacting with other children 4 days a week and learning how to be a little independent. I get to do a job I love and interact with creative people to produce a quality product. As you can see, it is super hectic on weekdays, so I can't deny I sometimes think about how being a SAHM might be an option if we have another kiddo. Daycare for 2 here in NOVA is insane and might not financially make sense. I dream of a day when I don't have to coordinate with my job, husband, daughter and dog just to get a run in during the week. I also think I'd enjoy doing all those fun kid activities I see on Pinterest. And after doing the mommy thing once, I'd like to think the second time might be a little smoother since I might actually know what I'm doing - at least a little.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Can We Get a Round of Applause for a Stay at Home Dad and a Working Momma!?!? There's Nothing Like a Modern Family to Make my Heart Go Pitter-Patter!

This is another couple that was brought into our friday saga of stay at home parenting and the working parents by Ellen. I am going to continue to call this series "The Mommy Chronicles," but this couple spoke so eloquently about traditional role reversals in the home, that I considered changing it. Stay at home dads aren't getting enough credit and I think that this living situation is becoming more and more common.

This is a long one, but a good one. I found this the most interesting of all the posts so far because their situation could be considered "taboo" by a family following what would be considered "traditional" roles in the home. Fortunately for all of us, times are a-changing and I was FASCINATED by this. Riveted even.

The working momma is in regular type and the working from home/stay at home dad is in bold italicized type. Their story alternates back and forth on each topic and you can just feel their support for one another ooze out of the screen. They were an absolute JOY to read.

I am not your typical working mom. My work week begins on Wednesday afternoon. I work from 2:00 in the afternoon until 10:00 at night. I commute an hour each way so I'm out of the house by 12:45 and I don't get home until just after 11:00 P.M. Thursday and Friday I work the same shift. Saturday is the hardest and longest day. I get up at 3:30 A.M. to get ready for work and I'm out of the house before 5:00. I usually get home around 3:00 P.M., at which point I have to go right to bed because I have to be at work again by 11:00 P.M. I work overnight until 7:00 A.M. on Sunday morning and that's when my weekend begins. My other job is being a mom.

I’m a work from home dad and, unlike most structured jobs where there is a definitive start and end to the workday and workweek, my job is essentially 24/7; all day, everyday. On the flipside, there could be a day where there is literally nothing to do at all. I’m the lead editor for a website called Gaming Examiner and I have the good luck to be able to do this from my home office. A typical day consists of my getting up at 7AM, working until Laura leaves for work, and depending on the day of the week, I either transition seamlessly into the nanny arriving (where I will eat a quick lunch and return to work), or I will watch my daughter for a couple of hours until the nanny arrives. Both my job and being a dad take up most of my day.

Working isn't my first choice but it's a commitment that I made years before becoming a mom and I know I have a responsibility to my family. I am an air traffic controller. So is my dad. When I graduated from college I had no direction and my fiance and I were working just to make ends meet. My dad came to us with the news that the FAA was hiring through a job fair that they were holding and he recommended that one of us (or both) apply for the job. Knowing that my fiance and I wanted to have kids and that it was important that our children have one parent in the house when they were growing up, we came to an agreement that one of us would apply for the job and the other would uphold a promise later in life to stay home - working or not - to raise babies. That is how I came to be a working mom.

Prior to having our daughter work (outside of the home) was just a normal part of my life. I’ve been working full time since I was a child. My parents owned a neighborhood grocery store and my life consisted of school, work, sports, homework, sleep, repeat. It wasn’t a choice; working was just something I did. As a result, even after my parents lost their business, the natural course of action for me was to just find another job. I bookended jobs, all the way until just prior to the birth of our daughter. The interesting thing is, when Laura’s dad approached us with the job fair opportunity, it was originally meant for me. It was always understood that I would be the one that would possibly one day be an air traffic controller. However, the more I thought about it, and with a real opportunity in front of me, the more I felt this job wasn’t for me. Now, years and years later, after hearing all the stories about Laura’s workplace, I am SO GLAD I didn’t do it. Let’s just say that it takes a certain, ah....”personality” to be an air traffic controller.

My husband, Tony, and I were cautioned about the strain that this kind of role reversal can put on a marriage. I'm not going to lie - it's HARD! Every Tuesday I get a little sad because I know that I have to go to back to work the next day. Ironically, good family weekends make me the saddest. I just remind myself that I'm lucky enough that I'm good at my job, I enjoy it, and that the income will provide many advantages for my family. Likewise, Tony knows that he gets special bonding time with his daughter that not a lot of dads (or moms, myself included) get. Tony and I have had to remind ourselves that we're both making sacrifices and, honestly, we couldn't do this any other way.

We were cautioned by some people that a role reversal with me staying at home and Laura working in a testosterone fueled, Type A workplace could potentially be a disaster. If I remember correctly, we were even told that many similar situations didn’t work out and resulted in divorce. Of course, Laura and I took all that with an air of “Well, it won’t happen to US.” And you know what? It hasn’t. I think regardless of the equalization between the roles of males and females in today’s society, there is still quite a bit of eyebrow raising when a father chooses to stay at home and a mother chooses to be the primary breadwinner. It still seems that a SAHD gets branded with the “Lazy bum who can’t won’t find a real job” stigma, and the working mom tends to have her qualities as a mother questioned with the whole “You would choose your career over your child?” stereotype. Pretty hypocritical, if you ask me.

A year into having a child, I am starting to love doing it, but it wasn’t always this way. For the longest time, my time at home was mired in paralyzing fear. It was bad times. I love my daughter, but MAN, I hated being “stuck” at home with her. Everything that could possibly go wrong would run through my head, and that was no way to live. And yes, the role reversal, regardless of how OK with it we both said we were, always seemed to rear it’s head and become a problem.

When we found out that I was pregnant we looked at our finances and decided that we wanted and needed a part time nanny. Tony was just finishing up online courses in video game design and was hoping to work from home. He needed someone that could free up a few hours in the afternoon so that he could study and work. I needed someone that could help Tony learn the ropes of being a parent. So we have a wonderful nanny that comes to our house Wed, Thur, and Fri afternoon as well as Sat morning. She has her own daughter, just a few months older than our own, and she has been a great help. My dad and stepmom live nearby and help too, although not nearly as often as they probably would like (which I'm working to rectify).

I love our nanny and her daughter as a member of our own family. Not only do I get to watch my own daughter grow up and hit all those awesome developmental milestones, but I also get to watch the nanny’s daughter as well. As a matter of fact, I believe that since our little girl gets to watch someone a few months older than herself do all these new things, it has accelerated her development, for better or worse, lol.

As a government employee I don't pay into disability. Therefore I had to use FMLA leave to take time off at my baby's birth and I had to use annual and sick leave in order to get paid for that time off. I had the choice of taking 3 or 4 months off but having no leave left over, or taking a shorter period of time off and then working part time to conserve the remaining leave I had. I chose the second option. This served many purposes. First, it allowed me to put off full time work as long as possible. Second, it saved leave for potential emergencies, sick days, or doctor visits. Third, it eased Tony into the role of work-from-home dad. My first day back at work was hard. I cried almost the entire drive in. The last time that I had made the commute I'd been pregnant. I felt lonely that first drive back. I was missing a part of me and I knew that missing piece was back at home. Luckily, air traffic control is the type of job that requires constant attention. I found that the more time I spent staying distracted with work, the better I was. Things were easier on the second day and got better from there.

When the baby was first born and Laura was on maternity leave, the reality of having a baby hadn’t really set in yet...as cliche as that may sound. I think the first 2 months were still part of being in a comfort zone for me, since Laura was home all the time. Our daughter would basically, eat, sleep, eat, sleep, poop, etc. It was honestly pretty easy...for me, anyway. As it became increasingly clearer that Laura’s return to work was coming up, I started to get more and more nervous. In fact, I remember the first time I was left alone with the baby; Laura had left the house to get her hair done; no more than 2 hours max. I basically held my daughter the whole time while sitting in my office chair, not moving and silently panicking to myself. It didn’t help that Laura’s first night back to work, after I had spent a bathtime where my sweet girl pooped, peed, and vomited on me all at the same time, I had some uninvited guests drop by who wanted to see the baby...and they woke her up. It took me three hours to get her back down after they left. I think mentally, that set the tone for the next few months, and I had a hard time stepping away from this whole experience as a negative.

What do I love about working? I love that I get a break from things at home. This was especially true when we were navigating things like sleep training and introducing solids. I use the time to step back from our home environment to clear my mind and rethink our approach to present hurdles that we're facing with raising a baby. I think about things like meal plans and paying bills. What do I hate about it? Well, up until a month ago my first answer would have been: pumping. Now...? My heart is at home. While I appreciate the adult interaction that I get at work and the opportunity to do something unique and specialized, I sometimes feel like I get too wrapped up in trivial things. The squabbles and complications that occur from working with other people take up a lot of my mental energy. It's not worth it and yet I still get sucked in. I'm still very domestic so I hate being at work when I know that there is so much to do at home.

My work situation is pretty awesome, to be honest. I get to do something I love for a living, and I get to do it 10 feet away from my daughter. At any given moment, I can hear her in the living room playing or jabbering a bunch of nonsense. If she starts crying or screaming, I can be right there for her, even though I know that’s what we’re paying the nanny for. I get to make her lunch everyday, and her breakfasts and dinners a few night of the week as well. Overall, it’s a really nice position to be in, and I’m very lucky to be able to do this.

If I could, I would switch roles with my husband in a heartbeat. He knows that I feel that way too. During one difficult period I told him that I would take the leap - move to a lower cost of living area, give up my job and all the advantages it offers, and support his decision to work out of the house. He said I was being silly. In another life Tony would work at a job that he LOVES and I would stay at home and have as many babies as I could. I would cook awesome and healthy meals. I would always have the clean laundry folded and put away. I would take my dog for long runs and have playdates and my kids would see their grandparents many times during the course of the week. I would be home to take my kids to swim class and I wouldn't have to negotiate shift swaps to get the day off so that I could see their soccer games or piano recitals.

As much as I like my current situation, if I were presented with a job outside of the home where I made enough money for Laura to leave her job, I’m not sure I would take it as quickly as some may think I would. I’m in no hurry to get out of the house. I don’t feel I need to get a “real job,” I have one already; in fact, I have 2. Sure I may not make all that much, and it’s not a traditional job where I must commute and punch in and out with a time card, but quite frankly, I spent the bulk of my life doing that, and I don’t see how there’s that much more pride in doing that than doing what I do. I get to do my job and be there all day for my daughter. How many dads can claim that? Even if I weren’t the lead editor of Gaming Examiner, I would still have to think long and hard about switching back to the more “traditional” roles. After a year of being at home with my little girl, could I really switch to a life where I only saw her a few hours a day? I don’t think I could. However, to allow my wife to be an at-home mom, since I know how much she wants to do it, I would make the change in a heartbeat. But the money would have to be right.

I don't live in that life, though. So I make the most of this one. Sunday morning, before I get off of work, I take a nap so that I'm rested for my drive home. When I arrive home I'm on baby duty. I give her breakfast and put her down for a morning nap. I do some light cleaning and the grocery shopping. I give my daughter her lunch and get her strapped into the jogging stroller so she can go running with the dog and me. I put her down for her afternoon nap and I'm ready to play when she wakes up. I feed her dinner, give her a bath, and put her to bed. I make dinner for my hubby and myself and we spend time together before bed. I wake up Monday and Tuesday ready to do my mom job. I love my mom job. I knew what sacrifice I was making and I promised myself that I would make the most of every minute that I had at home with my little girl. Sometimes I get caught up in trying to multitask but I try to remember my priorities, which is my family. Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday we wake up together as a family. Tony goes straight to the office to work and the dog, baby, and I go for a run. I come home and make breakfast while she plays and watches Baby Einstein and then we all eat together. Tony gets back to work, she goes down for a nap and I get ready for work. This is my favorite time of day - my "me" time. I take a long bath. A long, warm, relaxing bath where I jump on my phone to chat with my mom friends while I sip coffee. It's awesome.

Some of my coworkers scoff at the life that Tony and I have chosen. I work in a predominantly male environment and they don't understand how I "let" Tony stay at home. Despite my efforts to explain the arrangement and stress that this was an important issue that Tony and I agreed on, they still have a hard time understanding it. They also don't understand what Tony has to go through. Nobody does. He has his own issues as a new dad, a work-from-home dad, with his own insecurities, concerns, and issues to deal with. It's just as controversial an issue as the stay-at-home/working mom issue so I deal with hearing a LOT of opinions. Interestingly enough, my co workers hardly ever question my "choice" to work. What I think that it all really comes down to, is that moms and dads have to examine their own lives and make decisions that best fit their family. I don't think that being a stay-at-home mom or a working mom is ever the universal "right" answer. Likewise, I think that a lot of parents make the harder decision (whether it's to stay at home or go to work) because they are setting aside their own personal desires in order to do what's best for the young people that they chose to bring into this world. I don't get offended when people say things regarding the question of staying at home because they are making a generalization for something that can't possibly apply to all people. They don't know me and they don't have to live my life so they are welcome to their opinions and I will continue to enjoy my long baths, morning runs, and my little girl's smiles while I move planes, clean the litterbox, and cook dinners. It really is a wonderful life.

I think Laura’s co workers scoff at my situation due to the freedom that I have with my job to basically make my own hours and to do so out of the comfort of my own home. Perhaps they think because I’m not constrained to working for “the man” that what I do isn’t respectable; I don’t know. I’d be lying if I said their opinions didn’t bug me because after all this time, the opinions of others, whether I know these people or not, still matter to me. I think mostly what bugs me is the underlying accusation that not going outside of the home to work somehow makes me less of a man, and worse, less of a father. Like somehow, because the circumstances worked out to where I get to work from home, that I’m less of a father because I don’t “provide for my family.” I’m well aware of the fact that there are better paying jobs out there for me. What many people don’t know is that I wouldn’t be any happier, and the costs of daycare just wouldn’t be worth it. I don’t want someone else raising my daughter; I want to raise my daughter. With all due respect, and no offense to anyone else, but I do not trust a single other person to raise my child.

The decision to work or stay at home is a very difficult one, and one that affects both parents equally, though in different ways. Like Laura said, there isn’t any universal “right” decision except for the one that works for you. I mean, look at how many factors play into our situation, and yet, we’re both still here and happy.

Working Momma #2: She Gives Great Imagery...

After my friend Ellen wrote a post a few weeks ago, some of her friends were inspired to get in touch and share their stories. And this one had me laughing hard. The picture in my head of her trying to use a breast pump at work had my stomach hurting from laughing. Because I HAVE BEEN THERE! SO funny. This girl is SO personable and seems like someone that could anyone's friend.

Thanks for contributing, I know that your story will get some laughs and touch someone's heart.

Hi, My name is Mel and I am a full-time working mother of 2. My son Hunter is 9years old and my daughter Peyton is 1 year old. I rub naked people for a living, AKA I'm a massage therapist and I work in a Chiropractic Clinic. I see 30 patients a week, from monday to friday. And it is very physically stressful on my body, so most nights I come home exhausted. If I had my choice, I would stay home with my kids, but unfortunately we need two incomes to afford our mortgage and other bills. I love coming home and getting kisses and hugs from both kids. I work until 7:30pm so when I get home, I have about an hour to eat dinner and play with my kiddos before I nurse Peyton to sleep. It's tough when I only get to see them for a couple hours a day and I used to enjoy my job because i was helping people. Now I just think about how much I'm missing out on their childhood because I have to be away at work and it makes me bitter.

Pumping at work has been....well... frustrating to say the least. I hate it. And it's not the actual process I hate, it's more the constant disappointment I experience. I took 3 months of maternity leave and had no issues with supply at all, but as soon as I went back to work and started pumping, my supply had completely dropped. I've tried fenugreek, Motherlove capsules, Mothers milk tea, and eating lactation cookies along with TONS of water all day. In my job, I get 2 - 15 minute breaks to pump. To say it's stressful is an understatement. I would have a patient waiting for me to finish pumping right outside my massage room (where I was pumping) and I would feel the pressure to both hurry up for the patient and to also produce enough milk for my daughter. YIKES! There were also a few times when my pump would "queef" on my boob.... and I KNEW my patient heard it....ayayaya, so embarrassing! In the end I've made it 13 months, and am just now starting to supplement with some cow's milk, so I have some comfort knowing that even though it was stressful and hard to keep up with, this full-time working mother managed to feed my daughter breast milk for 13 months.

During the day I'm lucky to have the best babysitter ever... Grandma! My mom retired from her job to be Peyton's primary caregiver while I'm at work. We pay her $800/mo. She also picks Hunter up from school and gets him started on homework. I'm truly fortunate to have someone I trust watching my kids when I can't be there.

My kids are my life. Nothing makes me happier than being with them. When I had Hunter, I was only 21. I was in serious survival mode and I feel like I kind of missed out on Hunters baby/toddlerhood because I was just trying not to "mess up" and get through it. Now that I'm 30, I'm a lot more comfortable and really try to take the time to enjoy every moment. Watching Peyton grow and reach her milestones has been so rewarding. On the weekends we love to play with toys, watch movies together, go to the park, the mall, or Target. Peyton started walking like a champ about a month ago, so we will go somewhere big like Home Depot and just let her explore (under supervision of course). Our current favorite thing to do is have "picnics." Peyton got a play picnic basket with fake food for Christmas and she loves to give us the plates, cups, and fake food over and over while we pretend to eat it. I love the way she jibber jabbers and the way that my son and her play hide and seek (Peyton always seeks, of course). We also love reading books and putting puzzles together. Peyton loves to carry around her giraffe puzzle piece and put him on the chair or her Little Tikes Rider. Just watching her is entertainment.

I always tell my husband, when he gets an awesome paying position that makes enough money, or when we win the lotto (sigh), I'm quitting my job and staying home with the kiddos. I'm sure I would have those moments of needing adult time and time out of the house, but that is truly my dream job. Full time mommy.

The Mommy Chronicles: WORKING MOMMA #1

I am SO enthused to have our very first working mom.

This is one of my very best girlfriends. And one of the hardest workers I know. Her family has been through so much in the past year. She had problems with her pregnancy, her husband got laid off, Bayleigh has had TONS of digestive issues since birth, and she is working 2 jobs right now. I cannot even tell you how much I admire her commitment to her family and her hard work. In a world where so many people feel entitled to things, she goes out and works for them. I literally could not respect her more for everything she has put up with. And yet, she still thanks God everyday for her blessings.

I just love her...

Without further ado, here is Jess:

I never wanted to be a stay at home mom, heck I barely wanted to consider kids until I was married and my internal clock started ticking. Even then I wanted to be the working mom who coached soccer, and was a part of the PTA. I wanted to be that mom that everyone else said, “Wow, she works and is involved with her children’s lives?! How does she do it?”. Except, now that I have a baby, I want that stay at home mom life. I want to snuggle with her and read books for hours. I want to feed her breakfast, lunch, dinner and all of the snacks in between…

I have been having an internal debate with myself whether to participate in the Mommy Chronicles or to let it slide by and read about everyone else’s' lives, knowing full well that everyone is happy go lucky and does not want to hear about my crappy working mom life. I don’t think I have much to contribute to the blog, but with Natalie's persistence; I decided that I might be able to reach out to the other working moms reading these weekly blogs.

My husband and I decided to start trying to have a baby around the time we lost a very dear friend in a tragic accident. With his death and thinking that something similar could happen to him left us thinking, what would I have to keep of him if a fate such as this fell upon him? The best way to leave a legacy behind is a child, so we immediately started trying. My family knows that I was never really good with kids, animals were my calling, but my mommy alarms started going off and I had to have a baby. We all had our doubts as to how it was going to work, if I was going to be a natural or have to try really hard, or if I was going to melt under the pressure. I was a VERY lucky person and was pregnant within two weeks of coming off of birth control and beginning to track my ovulation (we both wanted to shoot for a girl)... I found out at 5 weeks that I was pregnant, but we kept it low key until Thanksgiving.

Pregnancy was not easy, we were constantly being told that different things weren't appearing normal, I saw a perinatalogist on top of my regular OB, I was in a car accident at week 26 and spent a whole day in L & D. I was put on bed rest around week 32 and left to keep track of my blood pressure and constantly worrying if my daughter was getting enough fluid and growing properly. I had numerous NS test, but I still worked and tracked my blood pressure every hour, if it was elevated; I had to lie down on the floor until things settled down. It was horrifying and just plain exhausting.

When my water broke 9 days before my due date, I actually didn't know it had broken... I guess I should explain. My dog had been very sick that week, so I was taking her to and from the vet to stay hooked up to IVs during the day and home with me at night. The last morning that I went to take her, I thought I had peed my pants on my way into the shower so I shook it off and finished my morning routine. When I got to work, I did the normal 8 hour shift with slight "leaking," but the OB nurse said that is typical 3rd trimester stuff (peeing your pants). My sister was joking around about getting this baby out before she went out of town and she was bringing Castrol oil over that night. When I finally got home, I was in hysterics because my dog was so sick and I could no longer control my bladder. I just wanted this baby out! I totally lost it when I was standing in the kitchen, portioning out my pup's medication when I peed my pants again. I wobbled up to change my pants while my husband ran out to get Taco Bell, a pregnant women's best friend. I changed AGAIN only to pee my pants one more time before I laid down on the couch. I got up to pee as soon as he left and this time "WOOOSH," yup, I couldn't get to the bathroom with the phone fast enough before I left a nice little trail. I thought my husband was going to wreck his car when I called him, but I insisted on getting my Taco Bell before being starved for the next umpteen hours. I didn't start with actual contractions until the Pitocin was started in the hospital and got the epi shortly thereafter.

We had an emergency C-section the following morning when my daughter's blood pressure was lost and mine plummeted. I'm not going to lie, I cried, sobbed like a baby because I wanted to do this the normal and natural way (with an epidural of course). I am already failing as a mom by not being able to have her the normal way, but once I saw her and that head full of curly dark hair, I was totally smitten and knew that I did what was best. My first mommy decision, SCORE! Maybe the mommy thing is going to be easy.
I was able to squeak 8 weeks out of work because of the C-section, but those 8 weeks were the worst of my life. My daughter wouldn't nurse correctly, she was projectile vomiting, she wouldn't sleep in anything except a $40 rocker next to the bed, my boobs bled and were chapped, my incision hurt, I wasn't producing enough milk so I had to get up every 2 hours to pump, regardless of if she woke up or not, and I had nobody at home with me while my child screamed in pain. The most interaction I had was crying on the phone with a nurse about how I can't handle the pain or enjoy time with my newborn.

I am lucky. My mom stayed the night once or twice a week with the baby in the guest room to give me some solid sleep. My brother stayed one night, which I totally appreciated, but he learned how hard it is to sleep with newborn grunting next to you. My family was very supportive. They all live within 20 minutes of us, so it was helpful to get a little free napping time occasionally.

It took us 4 months to figure out she had a milk protein allergy, gastro paresis, and laryngomalacia. I knew something was not right with her, so I pushed the doctors to look past a "summer cold" and "normal spit up" and I was right... Mommy decision two, SCORE, maybe I could be a good mom. I was pulled off nursing immediately and she was put on a prescription formula, so all of that work trying to build up my supply and stash my milk was wasted. So another meltdown, as I failed as a mom because I couldn’t nurse her for the full year like I wanted to.

My husband worked the midnight shift thinking that would be the best option while I worked during the day, except it sounded better than it worked. He had to sleep, so we still needed a sitter. Luckily my brother's girlfriend was unemployed and came to our house to watch her for a couple more months before we had to make the dreaded daycare or babysitter decision. Being a SAHM was not an option for us. Neither made enough money to maintain our lifestyle with the house and baby to stay at home. Our relationship hit rock bottom during those 8 weeks. I was jealous that my husband could go for a run or work and I was stuck home with a newborn, I couldn't even get to the store. We struggled, fought, yelled, and cried a lot, but somehow we got through it. He began to see my side of things and help out with moving me upstairs and downstairs before he left for work or went to bed. He set up the station so I wouldn't have to go far to get what I may need. Things started to work right, then we threw a wrench into the system, I went back to work.

The day I went back to work was bittersweet, I didn't cry, but I wasn't totally elated either. None of my pre pregnancy clothes fit, my incision still hurt, and I had to carry a pump with me... Joy, but my sitter brought my daughter to see me those first few days to help the transition and occasionally there after.

The last 19 months have been a whirl wind. We sold our house, moved in with my parents until our new house was finished, my husband lost his job and was a SAHD for a little while until something finally worked out, and I changed jobs.

As a working mom of one full time job and a part time job, I am very envious (border lined jealous) of anyone who gets the option to stay at home with their little ones. I would give my right arm if I could stay home and raise my daughter, knowing exactly what she is watching on tv and doing every minute of the day. But because we are not in that position, I have to work two jobs to make ends meet which cuts into my mommy-daughter time greatly. I have to rely on my faith and judgment of a once complete stranger on how they are raising, teaching, and disciplining my daughter. I find out days later that she is singing her ABCs or starting to count. I didn't get to teach these things to her, though if anyone asks, I was fully responsible for it :) My heart breaks every morning when I drop her off at the sitters; there is no way to explain it unless you have had to do it. She just stopped being clingy and trying to convince me to stay every morning and reaches willingly to my sitter which breaks my heart in a different way, but I know it's best for her. Every time my phone rings, my throat tightens with fear and anxiety. But my sitter is phenomenal; we have a great friendship and working relationship. Her daughter is a month younger than mine, so they are going through the same things at the same time. It’s nice to know she has the experience and loves her like her own.

My life is not perfect, I am still working at trying to lose my baby weight even after running a half marathon which doesn't seem fair to me, but life doesn't seem to hand out fair cards to everyone. My husband hates his new job, even though I am just thankful for the income even though it is a large cut. This plays into me not being able to even consider another baby. I would love to start trying for #2, but without a raise on my end or job change on his, we have to postpone that for now.

The only free time I take for myself are two hours a week for two soccer games with some of my girlfriends and a girls night with a friend and my daughter on Thursdays while he is in class. So it's wake up, get myself and baby ready (my husband handles the animal side of the zoo in the AM and packs up her lunch and diaper bag), drop her off, work and work out, then home to take care of the dogs, make dinner, and get her bathed with her teeth brushed and in bed by 8:30. SAHM’s jealous yet?!

On top of all of that, my daughter has been sick since the stomach virus ripped through our house the week of Thanksgiving. She was vomiting off and on every other day without a fever and all the doctors kept telling me she was re-infecting herself, which is not true because I know both places she stays are clean. Finally I called her GI doctor who confirmed that I was right and she actually had a blockage. Mommy decision three just saved my baby's life... Those two months were tough with daily or weekly trips to pediatricians, specialists, x rays or middle of the night runs to Kid Med. I would love for her to make it through this coming year with just her normal visits to the pediatrician. My life is a mess, but I wouldn’t change this mess for the world. My new job has been amazing with me being in and out of the office with a sick child.

Now we are searching for preschools, a new sitter or daycare/preschool after getting the news that my sitter is going to stop watching Bayleigh to start bookkeeping, but she has to line up enough clients to make up for losing the income of babysitting Bayleigh. So how much time do I have? But there is no answer to that. I love my sitter, Bayleigh loves her and her family, there is a routine there and comfort. Now I have to uproot my daughter from a very comfortable place she knows better than her own home and put her into a strange environment with strange people and new routines. How do you explain that to a 19 month old?! How do you learn to trust someone else?! If it's not one thing, it's another... so the saga goes on.

She is a little kid now, no longer a baby, but thank goodness she still needs me a lot. From behind she looks like a “little person” because she was blessed with so much hair and a nice round latina booty. She is my little miracle, and my weekends and nights revolve around her. One of my Christmas presents was a year membership to the local gymnastics place, and a 5 week class with her on Saturday mornings. So all I can do is make the best out of a situation that I cannot control and enjoy the time I do get to spend with her, even if it is not what I really had hoped for.

Mommy Blogger # 5 - The Mommy Chronicles

Here's a quick recap for my confessions that started all this.

Here's Momma 1, Momma 2, Momma 3, and Momma 4.

This is Megan. She is a stay at home momma of 2 beautiful little girls. Her hubby is in the Marines and they live in Massachusetts. Her whole family lives in NC and (Troy's too, she's his cousin, haha) being away from the town she grew up in her whole life is hard. She was a middle school teacher and after her first born arrived, she went back to work for about 6 months. She and her husband decided that between their schedules and costs of daycare, staying home was best for their family. She quit her job and hasn't looked back.

She is one those moms that seems like she's got it all together. Arts and crafts with the kids everyday, home cooked meals every night, and a clean house. She is the most organized person I have ever met. I was seriously jealous of her pantry. She LOVES being home with her kids and cherishes every minute.

She also writes a cooking blog if you want to check it out for dinner ideas tonight :)

Are you a home engineer (SAHM) or do you work?

I am a SAHM and work around the clock 24/7. I have been for a little over 3 years now. I have a 3 ½ yr. old and a 14 month old.

Why is that the best choice for your family?

It’s the best choice for my family because (1) I get to raise my children and see all their firsts, (2) when I did work as a teacher, my paycheck went to childcare, (3) we are a military family so moving around happens a lot, (4) I love the time I have with them and the teaching opportunities I have.

What is your favorite thing to do with your kiddo(s)?

I love to read books to both of them, rock and snuggle with them while watching TV. With my oldest I love to play school with her and she loves it so it makes it easy. With the youngest I love to watch her try out new things and watch her interaction with her older sister.

What do you love about it? What do you hate about it?

LOVE: I set my own schedule/routine. I have freedom to go wherever/whenever such as to take the girls to play dates, meet Daddy for lunch, and visit family out of state for extended periods. I have the most influence on my girls, not that it’s always a good thing, but I try to teach them the correct morals and manners of life or what’s expected of them in our family. I also like that I am in charge of the house. I like to clean, cook, and be organized. So while the girls are occupied or napping, I tend to stay busy. I do sneak in naps sometimes too though!

HATE: There are no off days! Even when the Daddy is home, he helps but he doesn’t do it all, like I do every day. Part of the problem is I feel he can’t do it as good as I can or the way I do it is better, so I am always butting in to do it my way. Control issues. 5 of the 7 days I have a routine and on the 2 days he is home, he messes my routine up even though he is only trying to help, I know! I have the biggest influence on my girls. As I said above, it’s good and bad. I try to teach them right from wrong, respect for others, manners, and everything else to make them successful in this life, however I always fear I am failing or going to fail them. If they are disrespectful to someone, it’s my fault; if they grow up and are not as bright in school as they should be, it falls back on me. I don’t get a lot of adult interaction/socialization. We have no family or trust worthy friends around to babysit, so there are no date or movie nights unless we have family visiting. I also have a hard time trusting anyone but family and close friends to watch our girls, although we did have our first babysitter in this town at Christmas time and things went well. I have joined a MOMS Club and I am hoping the social interaction for me and the girls will change here in the weeks to come.

If you are a stay at home mom, what do you do for "you" time? What do you do to recharge (since really, you work full time)? How do you get adult time?

For “ME” time I usually go grocery shopping one weekend a month, ALONE. Another weekend I may go shopping, ALONE and then every 6 to 8 weeks I go get my hair done ALONE! That’s about it as of now. I’m hoping that will change with this new MOMS Club I’ve joined. They do a Girl’s Night Out once a month and other volunteer things throughout the month. Hopefully I will find where I fit in and that all depends on my husbands work schedule which consists of 12+ hours of work in a day and one weekend a month drilling, then there are business trips out of town….
To recharge, I usually take a long soak in a hot tub at the end of the night once the girls are down and the hubs is home, so if anybody wakes he can get them. I also have a glass of wine…or 2 or 3…sometimes I just take the bottle with me to the tub!
Our adult time comes when the girls go to bed. We usually watch out DVR shows or rent a movie. We try to get date nights when we are home visiting family or when we have family visiting us. Usually that’s never a problem and more frequent then what we were thinking when we moved.

Are you worried (in any way) that your choice (no matter what it is) might affect your child?

Of course I am worried that my way of doing things will affect my children. My oldest is very outgoing, loves to go on trips and plays with kids she doesn’t even know. My youngest is yet to discover that as she is very attached to me right now. I’m trying to do all the things, get them involved with other kids, play dates, time away from them, to help them adjust when Mom isn’t always around. We are discussing preschool with our oldest for the social interaction. With me having a degree in education I am pretty sure I can teach her what she will learn in preschool, as we have been playing school for almost a year now, but I do realize the interaction she has with other kids her age is important also. I also hope to get her involved in weekly play dates and dancing. I hope to continue doing the same for my youngest. I want my children to know they have to listen and respect other adults besides Mommy and Daddy, when we are not around. My biggest fear is that I will let my fear or worry, rub off on them. I want them to be tough and strong and to stand up for themselves but I also want to wrap them in a bubble wrap so nothing bad ever happens. I’m not a risk taker or daredevil. My husband is. Somewhere we have to meet in the middle.

If you could have a day away from your kids, where you could do anything, what would it be and where would you go?

Probably an hour or more at a spa and then a relaxation pool to float around in and soak up some sun, preferably by the ocean so I can listen to the wave’s crash.

What is the most embarrassing thing you have ever done as a mom/what have your kids done to embarrass you?

I can’t think of something embarrassing I have done as a mom. The only thing that comes to mind that my oldest has done was at Family Day at my husband’s work. We were meeting my husband’s new first sergeant and his family and while we were sitting down to eat my oldest made the comment she needed to eat all her fruits and veggies to help her poopy come out. I had nothing to say! She’s 3! We did have the talk on the way home that we don’t talk about poopy to anyone but Mommy, Daddy and the doctor.

What does your husband/family do to support you? What do you wish he would do (wish upon a star my dears...it can be anything)?

My husband does a lot more than I give him credit for. He does the dishes, clothes (because I am horrible at taking them out of the dryer and folding them!), takes the trash out, clears the driveway of snow during the winter months, keeps the yard looking nice…oh and pays the bills! However he does not just jump in on the kid action or cooking unless it’s on the grill. In his defense, he did not grow up with babies all around him as I did, so he was not comfortable with our first one, doing much of anything with her, until she was over a year old. Well we are on #2 now and not much has changed. He will do whatever I ask of him, but I feel I shouldn’t have to ask. I’m not good at asking because I know I can do it, like I do every day/night but it would be nice for him just to jump in and take the load off. Again in his defense, he is not with them the amount of time in a day that I am, and doesn’t know their schedule like I do. When he is home and is willing to help, I find myself not asking because the time it takes to explain everything, I could have already done it. I know as they grow and get older he will be better and helping out with them. He does keep them by himself so I can go out alone but I always feel I rush to get back home to relieve him.

In regards to the stay at home mom vs. working mom debate, why do you think there is so much controversy?

Controversy as to which is better/more important? I’m unsure of the controversy between the two. I think for me personally, I enjoy it because I always envisioned myself being a stay at home mom, not thinking it would ever happen. I am so fortunate we are in a position where I can stay home. I did go back to work for 5 months after my first and was so unhappy at the time I was missing with her and my paycheck wasn’t much of a paycheck after it went to her childcare, that we decided I could stay home. For me it is easy because I can still use my college degree, Education. I can use what I learned in school, although my degree is in middle school, to teach my girls at home. I can also use my degree for online tutoring or tutoring within a community if I ever feel the need or have the time. I think many Moms feel they can’t stay home because they are not being able to use their skills professionally and they miss that interaction.

Also how is motherhood different from what you expected? Exactly what you expected? Are there things you swore you would/wouldn't do that you have changed your tune about?

Not different at all, except wishing the hubs stepped in more. It’s pretty much what I expected. Giving all of me and my time to my children because these years go by faster than you can blink and the interaction your children have with you are the most important interactions of their little lives. There will come a time when they will leave your home, as much as you want to keep them there, to step out in this world on their own. I can only pray that we as their parents have done everything we possibly could do, to prepare them. At that time there will be more “Me” and “Us” time, but for the time being it’s all about them and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

I swore I would never just ride around with the DVD player on in the car. It was only for long trips. That lasted maybe a month. It gets turned on every time we are in the car now and I love it! Peace and quiet and I can listen to my radio!
TV time was going to be limited. It is limited now, but not as much as I would like. However, there are some educational shows on and it has really impressed me how much my girls have picked up by watching some of those shows.

SAHM #4 - The Mommy Chronicles

OOOOOOOO I'm excited!! We are on week 4 of the Mommy Chronicles.

Here's how this started.
Momma 1 here
Momma 2 here
Momma 3 here

Now that you're all caught up, here's our next blogger for "The Mommy Chronicles."

And I am posting these blogs in the order that I receive them in my inbox. This whole "planning ahead" for blogs is a new concept for me :) It feels good! I have almost 2 MONTHS worth of fridays all ready to go. If you have submitted an email to me or someone else, I will be shooting you a heads up if this is your week!

Mommy #4 is a stay at home mom of 5! YOU GO GIRL! She is a cook, chauffeur, and dry cleaning lady :) And one of the most positive people I know. Her hubs is deploying in a few weeks and everyone needs to send prayers her way :(

Are you a home engineer (SAHM) or do you work?

I am a domestic engineer (SAHM)

Why is that the best choice for your family?

My kids are the most important thing to me (except my husband of course). I wanted to be home with them. My mom was home for me and I was so blessed to have that. I wanted to do that for my children. My husband would work mulitiple jobs for me to stay at home and be with them and nurture them. And I really didn’t want it any other way.

What is your favorite thing to do with your kiddo(s)?

I think my favorite thing is sitting at the dinner table and have silly conversations…as a family. They really do say the silliest things. I also like family movie night.

What do you love about it?

I love that I get to see everything. I am there for everything. I am there to teach them how to make right choices and what happens when they don’t. I get to see them walk, talk, share, laugh, and cry. I get to hold them when their feelings get hurt or when they are sad. I love that they need me, and to be honest, I need them.

What do you hate about it? (being at home or working)

I hate that I cannot go to the bathroom without having a kid asking where I am going and if I am done yet or one screaming at the door cause another kid hit them…haha. I hate that as soon as I clean up a mess, something else is dirty. I hate that the laundry NEVER seems to be done. I mean, lets be honest, being a SAHM is not awesome or glamorous. By the end of some days I just want curl up in the fetal position and rock myself to sleep. Haha. Its HARD work and that’s on the days you were lazy.

If you are a stay at home mom, what do you do for "you" time?

Well, I have an awesome husband that knows when I need a break. He knows it before I do. Girls nights are my favorite thing. And we really try to plan date nights as often as possible.

What do you do to recharge (since really, you work full time)? How do you get adult time?

Girls nights, date nights and I honestly LOVE to have people over to eat. I think we have people over at least once a week. I love play dates and chatting with the moms about how crazy, silly or frustrating our kids are. Its serious therapy for FREE!

Are you worried (in any way) that your choice (no matter what it is) might affect your child?

I am not at all worried about my choice. It was an easy one for me to make and I know that its what is right path for our family. If I had a chance to go back and make a different one, I wouldn’t. I know that my place is in the home, doing THE hardest job there is!

The one thing I fear, is failure. I fear that I don’t do enough. Wondering if I have missed an important principle or lesson they needed to know. Wondering if I loved them enough. If I do enough. But when it comes down to it, I have to remind myself that as long as I do my best with a heart full of love my short comings will be taken care of.

If you could have a day away from your kids, where you could do anything, what would it be and where would you go?

This question makes me laugh only because I will talk and talk and talk about how bad I need to get away for awhile, but as soon as I leave, I miss it and the little buggers that are waving goodbye. Its kind of sad and pathetic but its true. Haha. The only time I have ever left my family to get away on my own was to go visit my family in Idaho. I loved the break but missed them terribly! But that is what I would choose, to go visit the family I rarely get to see.

What is the most embarrassing thing you have ever done as a mom?

Im sure my kids think I have done a lot of emabrrassing things, but I can only think of one. I was talking to my son’s teacher at parent teacher conference and just burst out in tears in front of her. My son was struggling in reading at the time and I just felt a little hopeless and overwhelmed. The teacher was very sweet and sensitive. I was however MORTIFIED that I couldn’t keep it under control until I at least got to the car…I am still embarrassed to this day when I see his teacher. Haha.

What have your kids done to embarrass you?

Oh, I am sure I have a lot. But the one that comes to mind was my daughter pointing to my tummy rolls and asking me if there was a baby in there…haha.

What does your husband/family do to support you?

My husband always seems to know when I need a break or a night out before I do. I always feel guilty for leaving him in charge but know that I feel so much better when I do. He comes home and helps out with the kids without me even having to ask.

What do you wish he would do?

Right now, NOTHING! I am still dealing with and wrapping my head around the AMAZING Christmas presents he bought me. He is on a good road until Mother’s Day. Haha.

In regards to the stay at home mom vs. working mom debate, why do you think there is so much controversy? Be brutally honest.

Women tend to get defensive when it comes to their children and their decisions. When someone comes around and doesn’t share that opinion, we tend to get vicious and the claws come out. Women can be nasty to each other. We can say pretty hurtful things when it comes to what we do with our children. My honest thoughts are, don’t judge! Everyone has different circumstances and reasons for what they do. I still respect those that make the decision to work. I do not judge them for that choice just because its not MY choice. We are hard enough on ourselves, we don’t need help…

How is motherhood different from what you expected? Exactly what you expected?

My mother made it look easy. I grew up in a house that I never remember EVER being messy. My clothes were always clean. And we always had a homemade meal every night. She just made it look EASY! And its NOT. It took a few years for me to realize that she didn’t have it all put together at first either. She learned, just as I am learning. It will all come in time. Hopefully…

Are there things you swore you would/wouldn't do that you have changed your tune about?

Not really, but there is something I thought I was, until I had kids and realize I am not PATIENT! I am with adults, but mini adults…not so much. That is a work in progress…

Keep Brie and her family in your prayers as Jared deploys in the next few weeks. It's going to be a hard transition for them and they can use all the support they can get.

SAHM #3 - The Mommy Chronicles

Okay chickadees...

If you haven't been keeping up, it's friday!!! So here we are with another momma. I want to be clear, that this is not just limited to moms and I have some daddys lined up too :)

Here is how all this started.

Here is Momma #1

Here is Momma #2

And here were are with Momma #3...

It is my ABSOLUTE pleasure to introduce you to one of my sorority sisters. It's funny how you just connect with people or someone says the EXACT right thing at the time you need to hear it. She is that girl.

She writes beautifully. She chose to ignore the interview questions, which are used as a guide if you are struggling with something to say, but she just decided to sit down and write as she felt led. She wrote about her difficulty getting pregnant, being a new mom, and ultimately quitting her job, even though she reaaaaaallllly didn't want to. Her story is so beautiful and really shows the struggle of being a mom and even when it's awful, it's so wonderful.

Her story rang home for me and I think that MANY of you will really relate to this girl. She is amazing :)

As a side note, I haven't had anyone who is a working momma respond yet. If you want to share or you have a friend/sister/neighbor/stranger (I kid...sort of) that you think might have great story, shoot them my email address:

tucker.natalie@gmail.com

Okay lovelies, I leave you with this courageous momma:

I have always known that I wanted to be a mom but I have never felt sure that motherhood would be something that came easily to me. My sister was a natural mother, she babysat as soon as she could and cared for every child who crossed her path. Me? Not so much. Kids have always driven me crazy, even the ones I love. The thought of holding a newborn baby in my arms terrified me. Seeing a kid throwing a tantrum over fruit roll ups in the grocery store gave me heart palpitations. But then I would watch my niece climb into my sister’s lap and snuggle against her chest and I would know, deep in my soul, that I wanted that in my life too.

My husband, Joe, and I decided we were ready to start a family about three years ago and we were lucky enough to conceive pretty quickly. We were so excited that we shared our news with our families almost immediately and at 8 weeks we told the world. When I went in for my 12 week check up three days before Christmas my doctor couldn’t find a heartbeat and an ultrasound confirmed our fears. It is hard for me to imagine many things worse than feeling like your body failed you, as though your body were truly built for this one job and it couldn’t do it. And not only did my body fail but the promise of new life was gone. The future I had begun to imagine... gone dark. I clung to the hope that we would be able to have our healthy baby and a few months later we were pregnant again.

My son was born almost exactly a year after we lost our first baby. He was my miracle. I spent the 9 months I was pregnant with him torn between absolute elation and paralyzing fear that I would not be a mother good enough for this perfection. The day I went into labor I was terrified that he would arrive and I wouldn’t adore him the way I expected to, that I wouldn’t immediately connect to him. But then the nurse put him in my arms and everything else fell away.

Joe and I decided that I would stay home with the baby (T) mostly because it didn’t really make sense financially for me to work. I was working as an administrator during my pregnancy and paying for daycare would have eaten half my salary. Beyond that, it wasn’t a job I loved (or even really cared about at all) and I couldn’t imagine paying someone else to snuggle my baby so that I could answer phones and listen to people complain about the length of their neighbor’s grass. So there wasn’t much of a discussion, it just made sense for me to play stay at home mommy to our little man while Joe brought home the bacon. Of course, being a LITTLE bit of a feminist this was a bit of a hard pill to swallow... or at least I pretended it was to save face. But still, even though it was easy to decide to be a SAHM I felt badly because I knew Joe wanted to be a SAHD. Knowing that made me feel like I needed to be an even better SAHM because I was getting this luxury that Joe didn’t get.

The first two months were hard. No. The first two months were awful. I was nursing T and it was, by far, the most painful experience of my life. On top of the pain I was experiencing most of the day, T was fussy. He didn’t like to be put down. He didn’t like to sleep. All of this combined meant that I was getting up around 5am (after being up multiple times a night to nurse and rock him back to sleep) and settling into a big chair downstairs with my baby. He would nurse, fall asleep on me, nap, wake, nurse, fall asleep on me, nap, wake, repeat. Joe would leave us at 8:30am and return to find me in the same position, still in my pajamas and bathrobe, at 6pm. We got up for diaper changes and sometimes I tried to eat a meal. We watched a lot of television. There was a lot of crying. Finally, around three or four months we discovered that T had a milk protein intolerance. All that string cheese I was eating for breakfast (because there isn’t much that is faster than string cheese when you have a baby screaming in your arms) wasn’t doing either of us any good. I removed all dairy from my diet and in a month I had a new baby. I could put him down on his playmat or in his rocker and I could actually eat a (really quick) meal, or even put on real clothes. It was HEAVEN! He even tolerated being worn so I could grocery shop once a week. Naps still had to be done on my chest while I was rocking but still, this was progress.

T is now a year old and life has changed drastically. He is a ball of energy and a blur of motion. I can no longer strap him in his swing or the exersaucer and do dishes. I can’t sit him up on the floor surrounded by toys and write an email without having to wonder where he disappeared to after thirty seconds. But he plays with me. He brings me books when he wants to snuggle and read. He crawls away from me at top speed and then turns to grin at me and make sure I’m following. He is a little person now, no longer a blob. I have gotten to watch him roll over, scoot and crawl for the first time. I have gotten to see his reaction to almost every food he has tried first hand. I’ve gotten to hear his coos turn to babbles turn to words. I’ve gotten to teach him the signs for milk and more and watch him do them back for the first time. I get to put him down for naps each day which means reading a story and singing a song and snuggling together. I have barely missed a moment in my son’s short and amazing life and I know that that is because I stay home with him. However, all of this comes with a price.

I am lonely. I am bored. My mind is not sharp and the longest conversations I have with adults most days are with my neighbor while I’m getting the mail (with a baby on my hip) or the elderly woman who wants to tell me all about her son who is now 55. I never planned to be a SAHM. When people asked me about it I told them I don’t know how SAHMs do it without going crazy. Luckily, I work outside of the house two nights a week (for a total of about 4 hours) with someone I love and consider a good friend. This does allow me to use my mind and interact with someone who says more than “ball” (although his sense of humor is only slightly more mature than T’s). But on most days I’m exhausted by the time Joe comes home. By Friday I’m at my wit’s end. If Joe dares to come home and need to use the bathroom before relieving me of T duties then I feel like I will snap. Joe is amazing about offering to hang out with T while I go do ANYTHING, but by the time he is home for the weekend I don’t want to miss out on time with both of my boys so I rarely take him up on it. Because of this I don’t get “me” time. I haven’t had a haircut in nine months. I haven’t had a pedicure in over a year. Joe and I have been out to dinner on our own twice in the last year. In reality I have an amazing support system and really, if I needed to, I could call my aunt, my sister, my brother, my boss(es), my college roommate, my best friend’s little sister (who all live in town) and say “hey, want to keep T?” and they would jump at the chance. But I don’t. I don’t want to burden them. I worry T will be a terror and they will never come back. So instead I put my dentist appointment off.... for a year... or two.

So I guess the moral of this story is that yes, I am one of the “lucky” ones who gets to be a stay at home mom. However it is not the glamorous life people imagine it to be, and not just for me. I may be left feeling lonely and bored and exhausted but it also means that T isn’t getting to socialize with other kids. He isn’t learning that it’s ok to be away from me for extended periods of time and how to deal with that. Staying home with me offers him amazing benefits but I also firmly believe that he is missing out on some great benefits too. I don’t think there is a right answer to the question “which is better?” Both are amazing. Both are awful. I watched my sister return to work when her son was ten weeks old and while she was ready to be working again it broke her heart to leave him in the morning (and she was leaving him with his dad, not even a daycare or friend). She works hard and comes home tired but all she wants to do is soak up the time with her 8 year old and 9 month old. I envy that she has a reason to get dressed and do her hair each morning and gets to interact with adults (and a ton of middle schoolers even) all day, but I also know it wears on her. I know she misses some really exciting things. When I keep her son and send pictures of him and T playing together I know a part of her aches to be there and see it herself. There are days I dream of returning to work, even to my crappy, low paying, unimportant job. But then I shake myself back to reality and I see my son giggling and practicing throwing a ball and I think “no, this is right where I want to be.”

SAHM #2 of Mommy Chronicles

Up this friday, we have a friend of mine with 2 children and her husband is deployed right now. BIG HUGS and lots of love momma...

For this one, I didn't include questions because she wrote in a way that it just flows as a conversation :)

You can read about Katie here and how this all started here.

I am a SAHM, formerly an elementary teacher. Teaching was WAY easier than mommying.

Right now, it's the best choice for our family so that we don't have to pay for two girls to be in day care.

My favorite thing to do with our girls is to play together. We love to go to gymnastics and just bounce on the trampoline.

I do love playing with the girls, but it is a constant balance between keeping up with cleaning, dishes, laundry, etc.

My time is everyday from 9-10:30 pm. I usually take a hot shower, watch TLC, message my husband on FB, and do something mindless like play on Facebook. I have an absolutely wonderful neighbor who has fun girls nights at her house. I am able to put the girls to bed, take the baby monitor and chat with adults!

I do lose my patience with the girls and it does worry me that I will negatively influence my daughters and make them have poor attitudes.

If I had a day off, I would shop, get a massage, and drink lots of Starbucks.

One of the most embarrassing things was when my 17 month old jumped off our computer chair and broke her arm. I was putting in a load of laundry at the time and my hubby was packing for his deployment. I just kept thinking I should've been there to catch her.

My youngest is a handful and we had a delayed flight where she just acted ridiculous-rolling in the aisles, taking other kids toys, eating food off the airplane floor, pulling strangers hair, it was lovely.

When my husband is home, he helps clean up dinner dishes and then wrestles and tickles the girls while I wrap up the kitchen. I do feel overwhelmed with cleaning. It seems like I clean something and it's immediately dirtied by a munchkin. I don't think he understands how the house reflects me like his work reflects him. It would be awesome if he would pitch in more with just picking up those annoying little piles that accumulate, put away laundry, and unloading the dishwasher.

I think there is so much controversy because we ALL have guilt. If I go to work, I feel guilty because I am not home with my kids all day. If I stay home, I am concerned that I am negatively influencing them or not doing enough to teach them, or focusing too much on the house instead of parenting them. The list goes on. I think everyone has to do what's right for them.

Motherhood is way harder than I expected. I am having to let go of things that I swore I would never do. I thought letting children watch TV was of the devil. I followed that philosophy with our first child, but with the birth of our second child and our three year old giving up naps simultaneously, I reconsidered. I gave in and let her watch an hour of Sesame Street while the little one napped. I got a break and was a better mommy for the rest of the day! She not only survived, she learned to count!