Friday, March 15, 2013

Stay at Home Mom of Twins!

I've seriously dropped the ball on the mommy posts lately. But we've been a little busy. Between all the fertility stuff and traveling/visitors this month, my normal 15-18 posts a month average is currently in the dumps for March. My friend Kristen got here LATE last night and will be here for a week and then Troy's parents get here tuesday. So I should have lots of report...if I can find the time to actually sit down and write :) Or you can find us on instagram at barnesdailycircus.

If you want to follow along or read any of the other mom/dad interviews, you can click the label at the bottom for "the mommy chronicles," which I will also link here.

Here is another military mom. She and her husband have twin girls and are expecting another set of twins in september. They were busy from the start with twins and it doesn't seem like things are going to slow down! You better believe if I wind up having a litter, she'll be the first person I call...seriously, Jenn, get ready, I'm gonna be blowing up your phone. She has such a laid back and realistic attitude about parenting. She just makes me want to pick her brain. We can all learn something from her...

Here's Jenn:

Are you a home engineer (SAHM) or do you work?

I work as a SAHM

Why is that the best choice for your family?

Well, we have twins, so part of it was just the impracticability (cost) of putting two infants in daycare. Part of it was also that we could afford for me to stay home, and that’s where I wanted to be.

What is your favorite thing to do with your kiddo(s)?

This is hard. I guess taking them to the park. They love the swings, and the slide, and running in the grass. They’re so adventurous, and I love to see them try new things.
What do you love about it? What do you hate about it? (being at home or working)
I love watching them interact with each other. For a while when they were younger I wasn’t sure they even noticed each other, but now they dance and hold hands. Seeing the way they care about each other and ask where the other one is when they’re both not in the same room just melts my heart. I love putting one of my girls down for a nap. It takes patience, but if I just stick it out I can watch her fall asleep, and it’s one of the most precious things I’ve ever seen.

I hate that I’m home, with the kids, all the time. When I find things to get at the grocery store just so we can leave the house, because I can’t stand the idea of reading Wheels on the Bus one more time. I love the idea of playdates, but sometimes it’s just as trying, only there are more people to watch you go crazy. You’re trying to have an actual adult conversation, but then you see one of your kids unplugging an air freshener, or running a toy vacuum over another kid, or they trip and you have to go comfort them.

If you are a stay at home mom, what do you do for "you" time? What do you do to recharge (since really, you work full time)? How do you get adult time?

My time to myself is their nap time. I’ve been blessed with kids that nap really well for the most part *knock on wood*, so I usually have a solid couple hours to do whatever. If I feel like spending two hours on Facebook, or doing chores around the house, it doesn't matter, it’s my time. As far as adult time, I rely on the phone mostly, and playdates occasionally. I love to call my mom. She loves to hear all about me and my girls, and we can share ideas back and forth. I need to work on getting out for some actual face to face adult time, without kids.

Are you worried (in any way) that your choice (no matter what it is) might affect your child? In what way?

Of course I’m worried. I think parents will worry no matter what. My girls are super attached to me, and I think it’s because unless they’re sleeping, they really don’t spend a lot of time without me. I don’t have them in daycare, and they get some interaction from each other, but it’s not the same as playing with other kids outside of their twin. I’m also worried that sometimes because I’m with them all the time, I don’t think of super fun actives because I get bogged down in the everyday wake up, eat, get dressed, you want to watch Rio, it’s time for lunch, nap, etc.....

If you could have a day away from your kids, where you could do anything, what would it be and where would you go?

Fantasyland - I’m with Katie, give me a beach with some sun and a bottomless cup.

Reality - I’d be happy with a repeat of my last mothers day gift. A morning at the spa and lunch by myself at Panera Bread.

What have your kids done to embarrass you?

I guess the most embarrassing thing for me so far has been a grocery store experience. We were in the check out line and one of them just started throwing a fit. Like, she threw her toy, and was standing up in the cart even though she was buckled in because she's half contortionist. I could just see the eyes of the checkout lady saying ‘It sucks to be you.’ I could barely let go of her long enough to pay she was fighting me so hard.

What does your husband/family do to support you? What do you wish he would do (wish upon a star my can be anything)?

My husband tries to give me a break and he always says to take time if I need it, but he always says that when I don’t need it lol. I wish he could be better at saying ‘Honey, don’t cook tonight. Let’s order pizza and just hang out.’ or ‘There’s a Mom’s of multiples meeting you keep trying to go to, I’ll watch the kids while you go.’ Nothing really grand, just simple stuff.

In regards to the stay at home mom vs. working mom debate, why do you think there is so much controversy?

Like other people have said, it’s insecurities. It’s people saying ‘I’m doing the best I can, and what do you mean you don’t think my best is good enough?’ Everyone is being the best parent they know how to be. There are certainly days I wish I could get dressed up nice, like not my pajamas, and go to work to engage my brain and social skills, but there are plenty of working moms that want to stay in their pajamas at home to read to their kids. You’ll never really know how hard it is to be on the other side of things unless you try it, and I think a lot of people haven’t taken the time to really see how hard both jobs are.

Plus I think a lot of people are nostalgic for the Leave it to Beaver mom who cooks all day and is always the perfect wife at home, but women who have fought to make their place a mans world don’t want to see that effort go to waste either.

Also how is motherhood different from what you expected? Exactly what you expected? Are there things you swore you would/wouldn't do that you have changed your tune about?

I knew from the beginning that I would have kids and then a career. When some of my family asked what I was going to after college I would say ‘make babies.’ It’s not all playing at the park, and curling up on the couch with a bag of popcorn for a movie night. I think I had an image in my head of life with kids when they’re a little older, like what I can remember about my parents. I wasn’t really prepared for being up every three hours for 5 months with screaming, inconsolable newborns, or how foreign your body looks after you have kids. Plus, I was not prepared for the experience of twins, and the ridiculous things people say to you everywhere you go. That’s a whole other story. I’ve toyed with the idea of getting the backpack leashes. I always thought those parents were horrible before I had kids, and now that I have two that want to run and explore, I can totally see why they have them.

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