Friday, January 25, 2013

Mommy Blogger # 5 - The Mommy Chronicles

Here's a quick recap for my confessions that started all this.

Here's Momma 1, Momma 2, Momma 3, and Momma 4.

This is Megan. She is a stay at home momma of 2 beautiful little girls. Her hubby is in the Marines and they live in Massachusetts. Her whole family lives in NC and (Troy's too, she's his cousin, haha) being away from the town she grew up in her whole life is hard. She was a middle school teacher and after her first born arrived, she went back to work for about 6 months. She and her husband decided that between their schedules and costs of daycare, staying home was best for their family. She quit her job and hasn't looked back.

She is one those moms that seems like she's got it all together. Arts and crafts with the kids everyday, home cooked meals every night, and a clean house. She is the most organized person I have ever met. I was seriously jealous of her pantry. She LOVES being home with her kids and cherishes every minute.

She also writes a cooking blog if you want to check it out for dinner ideas tonight :)

Are you a home engineer (SAHM) or do you work?

I am a SAHM and work around the clock 24/7. I have been for a little over 3 years now. I have a 3 ½ yr. old and a 14 month old.

Why is that the best choice for your family?

It’s the best choice for my family because (1) I get to raise my children and see all their firsts, (2) when I did work as a teacher, my paycheck went to childcare, (3) we are a military family so moving around happens a lot, (4) I love the time I have with them and the teaching opportunities I have.

What is your favorite thing to do with your kiddo(s)?

I love to read books to both of them, rock and snuggle with them while watching TV. With my oldest I love to play school with her and she loves it so it makes it easy. With the youngest I love to watch her try out new things and watch her interaction with her older sister.

What do you love about it? What do you hate about it?

LOVE: I set my own schedule/routine. I have freedom to go wherever/whenever such as to take the girls to play dates, meet Daddy for lunch, and visit family out of state for extended periods. I have the most influence on my girls, not that it’s always a good thing, but I try to teach them the correct morals and manners of life or what’s expected of them in our family. I also like that I am in charge of the house. I like to clean, cook, and be organized. So while the girls are occupied or napping, I tend to stay busy. I do sneak in naps sometimes too though!

HATE: There are no off days! Even when the Daddy is home, he helps but he doesn’t do it all, like I do every day. Part of the problem is I feel he can’t do it as good as I can or the way I do it is better, so I am always butting in to do it my way. Control issues. 5 of the 7 days I have a routine and on the 2 days he is home, he messes my routine up even though he is only trying to help, I know! I have the biggest influence on my girls. As I said above, it’s good and bad. I try to teach them right from wrong, respect for others, manners, and everything else to make them successful in this life, however I always fear I am failing or going to fail them. If they are disrespectful to someone, it’s my fault; if they grow up and are not as bright in school as they should be, it falls back on me. I don’t get a lot of adult interaction/socialization. We have no family or trust worthy friends around to babysit, so there are no date or movie nights unless we have family visiting. I also have a hard time trusting anyone but family and close friends to watch our girls, although we did have our first babysitter in this town at Christmas time and things went well. I have joined a MOMS Club and I am hoping the social interaction for me and the girls will change here in the weeks to come.

If you are a stay at home mom, what do you do for "you" time? What do you do to recharge (since really, you work full time)? How do you get adult time?

For “ME” time I usually go grocery shopping one weekend a month, ALONE. Another weekend I may go shopping, ALONE and then every 6 to 8 weeks I go get my hair done ALONE! That’s about it as of now. I’m hoping that will change with this new MOMS Club I’ve joined. They do a Girl’s Night Out once a month and other volunteer things throughout the month. Hopefully I will find where I fit in and that all depends on my husbands work schedule which consists of 12+ hours of work in a day and one weekend a month drilling, then there are business trips out of town….
To recharge, I usually take a long soak in a hot tub at the end of the night once the girls are down and the hubs is home, so if anybody wakes he can get them. I also have a glass of wine…or 2 or 3…sometimes I just take the bottle with me to the tub!
Our adult time comes when the girls go to bed. We usually watch out DVR shows or rent a movie. We try to get date nights when we are home visiting family or when we have family visiting us. Usually that’s never a problem and more frequent then what we were thinking when we moved.

Are you worried (in any way) that your choice (no matter what it is) might affect your child?

Of course I am worried that my way of doing things will affect my children. My oldest is very outgoing, loves to go on trips and plays with kids she doesn’t even know. My youngest is yet to discover that as she is very attached to me right now. I’m trying to do all the things, get them involved with other kids, play dates, time away from them, to help them adjust when Mom isn’t always around. We are discussing preschool with our oldest for the social interaction. With me having a degree in education I am pretty sure I can teach her what she will learn in preschool, as we have been playing school for almost a year now, but I do realize the interaction she has with other kids her age is important also. I also hope to get her involved in weekly play dates and dancing. I hope to continue doing the same for my youngest. I want my children to know they have to listen and respect other adults besides Mommy and Daddy, when we are not around. My biggest fear is that I will let my fear or worry, rub off on them. I want them to be tough and strong and to stand up for themselves but I also want to wrap them in a bubble wrap so nothing bad ever happens. I’m not a risk taker or daredevil. My husband is. Somewhere we have to meet in the middle.

If you could have a day away from your kids, where you could do anything, what would it be and where would you go?

Probably an hour or more at a spa and then a relaxation pool to float around in and soak up some sun, preferably by the ocean so I can listen to the wave’s crash.

What is the most embarrassing thing you have ever done as a mom/what have your kids done to embarrass you?

I can’t think of something embarrassing I have done as a mom. The only thing that comes to mind that my oldest has done was at Family Day at my husband’s work. We were meeting my husband’s new first sergeant and his family and while we were sitting down to eat my oldest made the comment she needed to eat all her fruits and veggies to help her poopy come out. I had nothing to say! She’s 3! We did have the talk on the way home that we don’t talk about poopy to anyone but Mommy, Daddy and the doctor.

What does your husband/family do to support you? What do you wish he would do (wish upon a star my can be anything)?

My husband does a lot more than I give him credit for. He does the dishes, clothes (because I am horrible at taking them out of the dryer and folding them!), takes the trash out, clears the driveway of snow during the winter months, keeps the yard looking nice…oh and pays the bills! However he does not just jump in on the kid action or cooking unless it’s on the grill. In his defense, he did not grow up with babies all around him as I did, so he was not comfortable with our first one, doing much of anything with her, until she was over a year old. Well we are on #2 now and not much has changed. He will do whatever I ask of him, but I feel I shouldn’t have to ask. I’m not good at asking because I know I can do it, like I do every day/night but it would be nice for him just to jump in and take the load off. Again in his defense, he is not with them the amount of time in a day that I am, and doesn’t know their schedule like I do. When he is home and is willing to help, I find myself not asking because the time it takes to explain everything, I could have already done it. I know as they grow and get older he will be better and helping out with them. He does keep them by himself so I can go out alone but I always feel I rush to get back home to relieve him.

In regards to the stay at home mom vs. working mom debate, why do you think there is so much controversy?

Controversy as to which is better/more important? I’m unsure of the controversy between the two. I think for me personally, I enjoy it because I always envisioned myself being a stay at home mom, not thinking it would ever happen. I am so fortunate we are in a position where I can stay home. I did go back to work for 5 months after my first and was so unhappy at the time I was missing with her and my paycheck wasn’t much of a paycheck after it went to her childcare, that we decided I could stay home. For me it is easy because I can still use my college degree, Education. I can use what I learned in school, although my degree is in middle school, to teach my girls at home. I can also use my degree for online tutoring or tutoring within a community if I ever feel the need or have the time. I think many Moms feel they can’t stay home because they are not being able to use their skills professionally and they miss that interaction.

Also how is motherhood different from what you expected? Exactly what you expected? Are there things you swore you would/wouldn't do that you have changed your tune about?

Not different at all, except wishing the hubs stepped in more. It’s pretty much what I expected. Giving all of me and my time to my children because these years go by faster than you can blink and the interaction your children have with you are the most important interactions of their little lives. There will come a time when they will leave your home, as much as you want to keep them there, to step out in this world on their own. I can only pray that we as their parents have done everything we possibly could do, to prepare them. At that time there will be more “Me” and “Us” time, but for the time being it’s all about them and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

I swore I would never just ride around with the DVD player on in the car. It was only for long trips. That lasted maybe a month. It gets turned on every time we are in the car now and I love it! Peace and quiet and I can listen to my radio!
TV time was going to be limited. It is limited now, but not as much as I would like. However, there are some educational shows on and it has really impressed me how much my girls have picked up by watching some of those shows.

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