When I think back over the past year and everything we went through with the subchorionic hemorrhage, cerclage, and the bed rest, I think about how different life would be now if that baby hadn't had a terminal birth defect.
One thing Troy and I have kept to ourselves is that the precious baby we lost was a girl. That's right. 3 girls. We would have had 4 girls had everything been alright at our 12 week ultrasound.
A part of me feels sadness for the life that never was because of her neurological condition. But on the other hand, I'm so grateful that our twins are here safe and sound without any neurological or respiratory conditions, which would have been a high possibility with all 3. It feels like such a catch 22.
Kinley was in the NICU for 4 days and Caris was there for 7. It would have been so much longer and so much scarier had I decided to carry all 3 babies as long as my body would allow, which probably wouldn't have been long since I went into preterm labor at 25 weeks. And I would have had to deal with the death of child after its birth and 2 very sick babies.
Looking back, I don't regret our decision to have the reduction, but I can't help but think about how our lives would be now had she been healthy.
If you read my blog post last year about our decision to have the selective reduction, you know that I was on the fence about blogging about it. Well, it's been a year and I finally wrote it. I still get questions about the procedure, how it works, if it hurt, what happened to the baby, etc and I finally wrote about it now. I'll be posting that this week, so if you want to read it, great, if not, you can pass that one by.
I got some interesting messages/backlash about the decision to have the reduction. There were many people who didn't agree with our decision and we lost some friends over it. I understand that this is a sensitive and controversial topic, so please just pass it by if it is something you don't agree with. I hope that by writing it, someone will benefit from the information or make an informed decision about their health based on this blog.
A long time ago, when I was a patient in L&D before ultrasounds, I heard another mom crying and crying. The next day, a nurse told me that girl gave birth to an anencephaly baby. Can you even imagine it? I can't believe anybody would have the nerve to question your decision. I am so glad to see you posting again. Your tribute to your mom is fabulous and so is she. No wonder you are so strong.
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting about the selective reduction. I did IVF and could have ended up with triplets as I transferred 3 day 3 embryos. I have twins, but if I had gotten pregnant with triplets, I would have had a selective reduction. It's a good thing I was willing to do that as I ended up with an emergency c-section due to a uterine rupture at my myomectomy scar site at 33w4d. I doubt I would have even made it to 30 weeks if I had been carrying triplets.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you lost friends over it, but you made the best decision for you and your girls. That's what is most important and until those people walk in your shoes, they just don't truly understand.